Me sister Phillo is with me ma today so I dropped round to Julie for a chat.

• Put the kettle on Julie will ye, me head is banging
• What’s up with you?
• Me ma, that’s what’s up
• What did she do now
• Apart from breath you mean?
• Ah Bernie, she’s not that bad
• Not that bad? Not that bleeding bad. She’s doing my head in Julie
• Tell me
• No matter what I do for her she just moans constantly
• Ah she’s not well Bernie
• Tell me about it. If it’s not her arse it’s her elbow. She’s healthier than the lot of us put together, well apart from her gammy knee that is
• Did she get her results from the hospital?
• Yeah, they were all clear
• Ah that’s great
• Yes it is great, but me ma is still not happy
• Why not, she must have been relieved
• You’d think so wouldn’t you? But no, not Maisie
• What did she say?
• She said they’re all a bunch of quacks and don’t know what they’re talking about
• She’s just worried that there’s something else wrong with her
• I know what’s wrong with her
• What?
• She’s a bleedin’ hypochondriac that’s what
• It’s just her age Bern and she’s worried about getting old
• I wish it was only her age she was moaning about Julie but she thinks she has every illness under the sun
• Ah bless her
• I’ll bless her alright
• She doesn’t mean it
• I know. Don’t mind me Jules I’m just worn out running after her.
• What about the rest of the family?
• Ah they’re great. We take turns dropping in to do a bit of shopping and cooking for her but she still moans that she sees nobody
• You’re lucky to have her Bernie
• I know. I’m the fucking moan now amn’t I Julie?
• No, you’re just tired hon. You’ll be grand
•  As the song goes… ‘I will survive’ Julie
• Of course you’ll survive Bern. No better woman
• Thank God it’s Phillo’s turn today but
• Who’s with her tomorrow?
• Jimmy
• Haha, are you serious?
• Yeah, he has a day off and I’ve an appointment so he said he’ll drop in for a few hours to keep her company
• Poor Maisie
• Poor fucking Jimmy you mean 🙄