- Who was that on the phone Bernie?
- The doctor
- Oh jesus, what’s wrong?
- There’s nothing wrong ma. He just rang with your blood test results. They’re all clear.
- What’s clear?
- YOUR BLOOD TEST RESULTS ARE ALL CLEAR. THERE’S NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU
- What do you mean there’s nothing wrong with me? Of course there’s something wrong with me. Are you sure he had the right results?
- Yes ma, I’m sure?
- I don’t believe you
- Are you saying I’m lying?
- I never said that
- It’s great news ma, are you not delighted?
- I’d be delighted if I thought he had the right results
- But he had ma. He said you’re as fit as a fiddle
- Fit as a fiddle with a gammy knee?
- Well other than a touch of arthritis in your knee, he said you’re fit as a fiddle
- A touch of arthritis? I’d love him to try A TOUCH of arthritis.
- Jaysis ma will you stop moaning. There’s nothing wrong with you
- Well why am I in and out of that toilet all day and night? I’m sure I have a kidney infection at least
- It’s all the bloody tea you drink ma. You’re grand. Now crack a smile will you
- What’s to smile about at my age?
- You’re fit and healthy. There’s plenty of people would love to be in your shoes today ma
- What? Eighty five and housebound
- You’re not housebound ma, you just won’t go out
- How can I go out when I can barely walk with me arthritis
- I can borrow a wheelchair for you
- I’m not getting into a wheelchair
- Why not?
- If I get into one of them,I’ll never get out. That’s what happened to your auntie Min
- Auntie Min had M.S. ma
- I could have M.S.
- You haven’t got M.S.
- How do you know?
- Because you’ve had every test known to man. I’m sure if you had M.S. the doctor would know by now
- I wouldn’t want to be dying would I? I get no sympathy from you Bernie
- You’re not dying ma, and what do you want sympathy for?
- I could be dead for all that bloody doctor cares
- He knows you’re not dead ma.Sure aren’t you eating well and your bloods are grand
- My appetite is not what it used to be
- Thank god for that
- I am not fat
- I never said you were fat. You’d want to start wearing that hearing aid ma
- I must start wearing me hearing aid Bernie. I can’t hear a thing
- Really? You do surprise me
- What?
- I SAID, WILL YOU HAVE A CUP OF TEA
- No need to shout, I’m not deaf you know
- But you are bleedin’ deaf… YOU JUST SAID YOU CAN’T HEAR A THING
- ..and that doctor says there’s nothing wrong with me
- Give me patience
Diary of a Dublin Housewife 
Heeheehee! She’s certainly a hoot — at least from a distance. Yes, i can see how it’s not so funny when you are in the thick of it.
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Everything is wonderful from a distance…even Maisie :p
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I always find your conversation posts hilarious and God knows what accent I’m reading it in 🙂
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Doesn’t matter what accent you use, Maisie still drives me nuts 😉
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