Zoom

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  • Buckle up Bernie, I can’t believe we’re off to Benidorm
  • I know Julie, when you think of where we should be
  • I wonder how Ger’s gettin’ on?
  • Like I’m bothered, I’m just relieved I’m off the hook
  • Ah, Ger’s not de worst Ber. She’s ok
  • Yeah, in small doses, but for an entire weekend, sharin’ de same room? No thanks
  • Ah she’s delighted to have de two girls with her all de same and she couldn’t sing your praises enough for giving Willow your place
  • If only she knew
  • You’ll burn in hell Bernie Rose
  • Says you! You were only goin’ in de first place because Anto was payin’
  • So were you
  • Is Anto still goin’ to the Euros with Jimmy and Ray?
  • Well his ticket is booked, but Ger doesn’t know yet
  • He’s some gobshite, booking a Spa break for her so she wouldn’t be at home alone when he’s in France
  • …and so she’d let him actually go to France
  • …then he books de Spa for May and the Euros don’t start until June
  • He’s a fuckin’ eejit alright, why de hell did he do that?
  • He said he put de wrong dates in when he was bookin’ online and when he tried to change it they were booked out  until September and they wouldn’t give him a refund
  • So now he’s de one home alone
  • He’ll love that. Sure he’ll probably spend his time over eatin’ dirty big fry ups in his mas and den down de pub with Ray and Jimmy
  • He’ll have a ball…a weekend without bean sprouts and nut roasts
  • ..and Lily will be delighted to have her boys all to herself
  • A great weekend will be had by all
  • Good luck to dem
  • Oh look, the seatbelt sign is on Ber, we’re away..woohoo
  • Don’t talk to me ’til we’re up Julie, me nerves are gone. You know I hate takin’ off
  • Here we go, zoom baby.I wonder what speed he’s doin’?
  • Stoppit Julie
  • Ah we’ll be up in no time and sure you’ll be grand after a few scoops
  • Are we up yet?
  • Yes, you can open your eyes now Ber
  • Grand, now, any sign of dat drinks trolly?

plane in air

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Willow

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  • Hiya Ger
  • Oh Bernie how are you?
  • Grand, just ringin’ to see how Pat’s doin’?
  • Patchoulli is much better thanks.
  • Ah great. Ray said she was very bad
  • It was very traumatic,having a dead animal inside her
  • It was only a burger Ger, and sure there’s feck all meat in dem things inannyway
  • Meat is meat Bernadette. The whole episode was very upsetting for her.
  • Ah well, she’s on de mend now, dat’s the main thing Ger
  • She’s really looking forward to our weekend
  • Ah dat’s nice, and how’s Willow?
  • Delighted to be home from college. She’s teaching Patchoulli  Lunaception at the moment
  • What’s that?
  • It helps regulate menstruation by aligning your cycle with the moon
  • Far out man. So what’s Willow up to while we’re away?
  • Oh she’ll keep herself busy with her  Pilates  and catching up with friends
  • It’s a pity she couldn’t come with us
  • Well, I did think of bringing her but the Spa is all booked up that weekend.
  • Aww no way. Dat’s a bummer Ger
  • She was disappointed
  • Such a pity
  • I know. It would have been so lovely for us all to have a bonding mother/daughters session in a calm environment. It’s been so long since the three of us have spent time together
  • That would have been lovely aright Ger
  • Oh well never mind
  • D’ye know what Ger, I’ve a great idea. How about Willow going in my place
  • Oh Bernadette, I couldn’t ask that of you
  • You’re not askin’. I’m offerin’
  • But you’ve been so looking forward to it. Jimmy was only saying yesterday that you were counting the days
  • Was he now?
  • He said how excited you were
  • Did he really?
  • So thanks but I couldn’t ruin your weekend
  • Ah Ger, to be honest, I wouldn’t enjoy meself knowin’ poor Willow was home alone. Especially since she’s been so long away. So, I insist she goes in my place
  • Bernadette, I don’t know what to say. You are so so kind, no matter what  Lily says
  • What was his ma sayin’ about me?
  • Oh , em, nothing, sorry, I’m always putting my foot in my mouth
  • I know who’s mouth I’d like to put my foot in
  • I can’t wait to tell the girls the good news. I can’t thank you enough
  • Not at all Ger. Look, you just go and have a lovely time with your girlos.
  • Willow will be delighted. Thanks again Bernie
  • You’re more than welcome Geraldine.

 

Yes!!! Now wait ’til I see dat Jimmy fella!!

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Spa

 

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  • You know the spa weekend Ber?
  • What about it?
  • Something’s come up
  • What do you mean Jules?
  • I can’t go
  • Ah feck off. I was  startin’ to look forward to it
  • You can still go
  • What? With Ger? No way
  • Why not? It’s all paid for
  • I don’t give a shite Julie
  • I only agreed to go because you begged me and now you’re not going
  • I can’t help it Ber
  • Well neither can I. You can tell Ger it’s off
  • But I promised Anto
  • Well unpromise him then
  • I’d feel bad. He paid for the whole weekend
  • More fool him then
  • Ah go on Bernie. You’ll have a great time
  • What? With Soya bean Geraldine
  • She’s not that bad?
  • She’ll have me eating gogi berries and hummous and chanting for the bleedin’ weekend
  • You like hummous
  • Yeah with a box of pringles and a bottle of wine of a Friday night, not with bleedin’ chick peas and Greek yoghurt for me breakfast, dinner and tea
  • Sounds nice
  • Fuck off Julie. You’re gettin’ on me nerves now
  • O.k o.k. I’ll tell her you’re not goin’ then
  • Why can’t you go inannyway?
  • Me ma’s not well. I said I’d go and stay with her for that weekend because Pauline has to go to a wedding in Cork
  • Ah stop, I feel bad now.
  • Ah she’ll be grand. Ye know me ma. Tough as shit
  • Talk about making me feel guilty…I’ll go with Ger then.
  • Thanks Ber
  • Tell your ma I was askin’ for her
  • I will Ber
  • I’ll light a candle for her
  • She said she’d light one for you; said you’ll need it spending the weekend with Geraldine
  • Fuck off Julie

Gettaway

G (1)

 

  • Have you any plans for May Bernie?
  • May who?
  • The month of May ye dope
  • I don’t know what I’m doin’ tomorrow Julie, never mind May
  • So you’ve no holliers booked?
  • No, why?
  • Well ye have now girl
  • What?
  • You’re coming for a spa weekend
  • Since when?
  • Since we need a little gettaway
  • We do Jules. We really do. De kids are gettin’ on me nerves
  • Ders a catch tho’ Ber
  • What kind of a catch?
  • Ger’s comin’ with us
  • Ger ? Anto’s Ger?
  • The very one
  • Ah no, fuck off Julie. I’m not spendin’ the weekend with that hippy dippy yoke
  • She’s not that bad Bernie
  • Why would ye want to spend the weekend with veggie vagina anyway?
  • Ah stoppit, you’re  awful Bernie
  • She’s a pain in de hole Jules
  • It’s for Anto
  • What d’ye mean?
  • He wants to go to Paris for the Euros with Ray and Jimmy
  • What’s that got to do with us?
  • He doesn’t want to leave Ger home alone
  • What is she Macaulay Culkin all of a sudden?
  • Don’t be mean Bernie
  • Can she not go with her sister, or her Pilates pals?
  • He’s booking it as a surprise for her. He wants us to get to know her better
  • I know her enough already
  • Ah come on Ber. We’ll have de craic
  • But I was going to book a few days in Benidorm while they were away Julie
  • But you said you’d nothing planned
  • I forgot about the football didn’t I
  • Anto said he’ll pay for us for the weekend at a luxury spa if we bring Ger with us
  • Did he now?
  • He did
  • Well, that’s a whole different story then. Fuck it, if Antos paying, sure we may as well
  • What about Benidorm?
  • Sure we can go there when we’re bodytastic after our Spa weekend
  • Good thinking ninety nine
  • I’m not just a pretty face Julie
  • D’ye think Ger might come to Benidorm with us
  • Don’t push it Julie…don’t bleedin’ push it