Elvis… Always on my mind

Me and Lynn went to an Elvis tribute night down the pub last night. They were celebrating the 40th anniversary of his death. Forty years!! Can you believe it?



  • Where were you when Elvis died Bernie?
  • You mean the exact minute he died or when I heard he died?
  • When you heard he died of course…how would you know the exact minute he died unless you were there in the bathroom with him.
  • That is if he really died in the bathroom Lynn.That could just be a story, a cover up for what really happened.
  • Why would they say he died in the bathroom if he didn’t? You’ve a very’ suspicious mind’ Bernie
  • You know them Americans all love a good story, a crazy headline. ‘Elvis dies watching telly’ doesn’t’ have the same impact as ‘Elvis dies on the jax eating a burger’
  •  I don’t think they said he did eating a burger. I think they said he’d eaten a burger before he died.
  • Well they were hardly going to say he’d eaten a salad with cous cous and a glass of still water were they?
  •  I don’t think Elvis was much of a salad eater
  • Neither is that chap onstage by the look of him
  • He’s a big chap alright
  •  ‘The King is dead’ isn’t that what they said?
  •  I can’t remember but that is a good headline. Click bait…isn’t that what they’d call it now?
  • If it was today, it would be on twitter with a picture of the burger before the ambulance arrived
  • There’s not much privacy these days is there Bern?
  • I was in me grannies having a bowl of cornflakes
  • What?
  • ‘…When Elvis died. You asked me where I was when Elvis died.  I was staying in me grannies with Imelda when me ma was in hospital having our Aaron
  • Did your ma call him Aaron after Elvis because it was his middle name and he was born the day Elvis died?
  • No she called him Elvis after Elvis, but he was slagged in school over it so he told everyone his name was Aaron
  • So is his middle name Aaron too?
  • No, it’s  Bartley …after me granda. Aaron is his third name
  • Elvis Bartley Aaron?
  • Yeah,shite isn’t it? Scarlet for him. He reckoned Aaron was better than Bartley
  • I don’t blame him
  • Me granda wasn’t too please but
  • Who the fuck calls their child Bartley?
  • My great granny, that’s who. Anyway, it was on the nine o’clock news that morning
  • What was?
  • About Elvis dying, for  jaysis sake Lynn, keep up will you
  • Sorry Bernie, I’m still thinking about poor Aaron
  • Me granny always listened to RTE radio in the mornings…The news and Gay Byrne, every morning. I couldn’t believe it.
  • I couldn’t believe people listened to Gay Byrne either
  • No, I couldn’t believe Elvis was dead, for fuck sake Lynn, how many vodkas have you had?
  • Not enough obviously, judging by this conversation
  • Me sister was bawling crying. Imelda loved Elvis. She had posters of him on our bedroom wall
  • I had Donny Osmond and David Cassidy
  •  I had T. Rex. You know Marc Bolan died exactly a month after Elvis?… in a car crash on the way home from a party in Rod Stewart’s gaff.
  •  That’s a real rock n roll way to die isn’t it? Elvis might have been the King but his death wasn’t very rock n roll was it?
  • He’d be eighty one if he was still alive
  • He wouldn’t be shaking his hips much on a zimmerframe at eighty one Bernie
  • Sure he’d have had new hips by now
  • And a few face lifts, trying to stay young like the rest of them
  • He’ll be forever young
  • Wearing his blue suede shoes
  • Some people say he never died…  Another cover up
  • Where is he then?
  • God only knows, living on some tropical island with Marc Bolan and Buddy Holly.
  • My ma loved Buddy Holly
  • Mine too. You know she wanted to call me Peggy Sue
  • Seriously? Yeah, but me da put his foot down, said no child of his was being called after his mother in law
  • You’re grannies name was Peggy Sue?
  • No, Margaret, but everyone called her Peggy
  • I need another drink Bernie
  • I’ll call the waitress… ”Excuse me love, two double vodkas and coke when you’re ready”… He was only twenty two, Lord rest him
  • Who?
  • Buddy fucking Holly. Do you want to go out and come back in Lynn, because you’re not with it tonight
  • Ask me hoop Bernie. I can’t keep up with all these dead celebs
  • You shouldn’t have come to an Elvis tribute show then
  • You’re just confusing me, anyway I thought he was older. He looked older but didn’t he?
  • Who Elvis?
  • No, Buddy Holly, jaysis, now who’s confused?
  •  I think it was the glasses.
  • He did really die though
  • I hope so…they buried him
  • You’re getting worse Bernie. Here, this Elvis chap is a long time on his break isn’t he?
  • Probably sent out for a burger. I hope he’s not eating it on the jax
  • I’m going to ask him to sing Blue Christmas when he comes back
  • It’s bleedin’ August Lynn!
  • He’s an Elvis tribute and I want to hear Blue Christmas
  • Whatever floats your boat love, anyway he died in a plane crash
  • I thought he died on the jax
  • Not Elvis; Buddy Holly ye big eejit
  • I told you to stop confusing me
  • So did Patsy Cline. Our Patsy is named after her
  • Are all your family named after famous dead people then?
  • Yeah, except me. I’m named after saint Bernadette
  • She’s dead
  • She wasn’t famous though…except in the catholic church I suppose
  • So many stars died too soon Bernie… Michael Jackson… Prince…Freddie Mercury
  • …Bob Marley…Jim Morrison..
  • David Bowie… I loved David Bowie
  •  Jimi Hendrix…
  • Amy Winehouse.
  • Karen Carpenter…. jaysis we’re very cheerful tonight aren’t we?
  • Marilyn
  • I thought Marilyn Manson was still alive?
  • No Marilyn Monroe
  • Hardly a rock star but
  • Oh I thought we were just talking about dead stars
  • We were talking about Elvis
  • Oh yeah
  • So where were YOU then?
  • When?
  • When Elvis died?
  • Fucked if I can remember Bernie, sure I was only five
  • You were in your swiss! I think we should just listen to the music and have ‘A little less conversation’ Lynn,yeah?
  • Here he is back onstage, throw your knickers at him Bernie, I dare you. ”G’WAN ELVIS … you aint nothin’ but a hound dog…”

I sometimes wonder how I’m still friends with this girl!



Dead or Alive


  • See that chap died
  • What chap?
  • Used to wear an eye patch in the eighties
  • Mr. Doran from the flats?
  • No, he was a singer
  • Dr. Hook?
  • No
  • Captain Sensible
  • Who ?
  • Oh forget it…em Bryan Ferry
  • No
  • Fuck sake Jimmy, what did he look like?
  • I told you, he wore an eye patch
  • David Bowie wore an eye patch one time but he’s already dead
  • I think he became a woman
  • Who David Bowie
  • No, the chap with the eye patch…oh wait, I just remembered. Pete Burns
  • Ah no way…Dead or Alive
  • Dead I told you Bernie, jaysis keep up will ye
  • No Jimmy, I mean he was in the band ‘Dead or Alive’
  • Oh right yeah
  • You spin me right round baby right round…
  • …like a record baby, right round round round
  • Aww I loved that song
  • Was that the only song he had?
  • Must be. I don’t remember another one. Last time I saw him was in Celebrity Big Brother
  • That pile of shite?
  • He ruined himself with all that plastic surgery. He was a fine thing back in the day, especially with the eye patch
  • It’s a mugs game that plastic surgery lark
  • He said if he ever died and went to Heaven, God wouldn’t recognise him
  • I’d say he didn’t  recognise himself when he looked in the mirror Ber
  • God love him all the same. You know he was supposed to be on Loose Women this morning
  • I’m sure he’ll be spinning right round that he missed that one Bernie
  • Don’t be mean Jimmy


R.I.P. Pete

Sixty nine


D’ye know how people say things always come in threes Bernie?


I hope it’s true


David Bowie was 69 when he died


Alan Rickman died today

Was he the fella from Harry Potter?


Aww, I loved him. That’s sad

He was 69

What are you gettin’ at Jimmy?

Donald Trump is 69

Is he Jimmy?

He is..


I’m only makin’ an observation Ber

I’ll keep me eye on the news then


I’ll let ye know

Thanks Ber






Hard to believe he’s dead Ber

I know. He was just always there wasn’t he?

69 wha’…trust him. He’d laugh at tha’

Have a bit of respect

Would ye gerraway oua dat. Bowie would think tha’ was hilarious

You’ve a dirty mind Jimmy Violet

Remember ‘The laughing gnome ‘Bernie?

Yeah, not one of me favourites tho’. It was a bit mad

He was always a bit mad himself, he was great tho’ wasn’t he

Hahaha heeheehee

I’m the laughing gnome and you can’t catch me

Remember when we were only goin’ out together, you used to sing ‘Sorrow’ to me

He could’ve wrote tha’ song for you Ber

Ah it was me favourite Bowie song

With your  long blond hair and your eyes of blue, the only thing I ever got from you was sorrow


Actin’ funny, tryin’ to spend me money

Fuck off , ye hadn’t a bleedin’ ha’penny when I met ye

Just as well I was good lookin’ then Ber

The man who sold the world Jimmy

You never do what you know you oughta, somethin’ tells me you’re the Devils daughter…


It’s a sad day Ber

Too sad Jimmy

R.I.P.  Ziggy Stardust.