Kylie and Jason are home for the Easter holidays. Kylie dropped in to see me ma for a few hours. She’s a good kid and she loves her nanny. ‘Just don’t offer to bring her shopping’ says Jimmy to her. ‘She has me bleedin’ worn out. I thought we were taking a ten minute trip to Tesco…four hours later and we were only gettin’ home. Between shopping and stopping every five minutes to chat to all her cronies, she was like a whirlwind. Gammy knee, my arse’ says he. ‘That oul one is as strong as a bleedin’ horse’.

• Alright Kylie love?
• Howya nanny. How are you keeping?
• As I told your da only yesterday, I’m on me way out love
• Stop it nanny. You always say that
• I mean it this time. I’m too old for this world
• Ah stop. My friends nanny is ninety five and still going strong, and you’re nearly ten years younger than her
• Ninety five. Heaven help me if I reach that age
• Of course you will. No bother to you
• I look a hundred years old, and I feel like it as well
• You don’t look a day over seventy nine. You look great
• Indeed I don’t
• Ah stop feeling sorry for yourself. Come on I’ll do your nails for you
• Sure why would I want me nails done? I’m not going anywhere
• It will cheer you up and maybe you’ll feel like going somewhere afterwards
• Sure where would I be going?
• You can go back down to your club. You can go to the Bingo. You can go to the pub with me ma and me aunties for a few scoops. You can go for a meal or to the cinema. There’s loads of places you can go
• I’m  hardly able to walk Kylie. This gammy knee has me worn out. It’s even worse now after your da dragged me to the supermarket yesterday
• Eh, hello …da said you wore him out traipsing around Homestore buying pans and cushions and garden gnomes before you even got to Tesco and bought up the shop like there was a famine on the way
• Don’t mind your da, he was always an exaggerator
• I saw your cupboards nanny. They’re full to bursting point
• Well, it’s been ages since I was shopping, and god knows when I’ll get out again
• Da said he’s never going shopping with you again you know. He said you’re a shopaholic just like me ma
• Tell your da to feck off. What did your ma say?
• She told him to fuck off and mind his own business. He said it was his business since he was the one driving all over Dublin and pushing trollies around supermarkets
• Men, they’re such lightweights
• He said there was  no sign of your gammy knee yesterday
• Did he now? the cheeky git. Just wait until I see him again. Your mammy will tell you I’m not one to complain over my ailments. I suffer in silence…unlike your oulfella
• Ah don’t mind him nanny. You know what men are like. They hate shopping, and they love to have an oul moan
• Well it was him who dragged me out shopping. I was happy enough to stay at home
• He  said you met your pal in Tesco. You told her you’d be back to your club this week
• I said I might be back.
• Well I’ll do your nails anyway. Make you look nice…just in case
• It has been ages since I went to the bingo. Maybe I’ll give Nancy a call see if she’s going. It was nice to bump into her yesterday
• There ye go nanny. Making plans already and I haven’t even put the base coat on yet
• It’d be a shame to let a good manicure go to waste, and your Jason bought me a new bingo pen for me birthday
• There’s two good reasons why you should go. The rest of them will be mad jealous when they see how massive your nails look holding your new pen
• Maybe I’ll even win a few bob
• That’s the spirit nanny
• Thanks for cheering me up today. You’re a good girl Kylie
• Ah stop nanny. It’s only a bit of nail polish. Come on, sit still there or you’ll make me smudge it. What colour do you you want? What about this nice frosted pink?
• No, that’s too insipid. Have you any hot pink or red?
• Woohoo… go nanny  😉

I told you there would be no stopping her!