Armed and dangerous #AtoZChallenge

Day one at Chez Maisie. I’ve had to bring in the big guns… A supply of vodka, chocolate and earplugs. Wish me luck lads πŸ˜‰

A 2017

  • I’m here ma
  • There y’are Bernie. What’s in the bags?
  • Just a few bits ma
  • Are you moving in or what?
  • I am in me eye. I’m only here for a few nights
  • You look armed and dangerous
  • You’d better believe it. I need to be, staying with you
  • What?
  • I’M JUST GOING UP TO THE LOO
  • Put your bags up in your room while your at it. I don’t want to be tripping over them. I’ll break me neck
  • No fear of that
  • WHAT?
  • DO YOU NEED THE TELLY AS LOUD AS THAT?
  • I can’t hear it
  • Have you not got your hearing aid in?
  • What?
  • YOUR HEARING AID
  • What about it?
  • PUT IT IN. THE WHOLE NEIGHBOURHOOD CAN HEAR YOUR TELLY
  • Ah let them shag off. I’ve to listen to their dogs barking all night
  • How can you hear their dogs barking if you can’t hear me ?
  • Oh yes I’d love a cup of tea
  • I’ll put the kettle on
  • I thought you were going to the loo
  • I’ll put the kettle on first
  • Don’t forget to move them bags from the hall
  • I won’t forget
  • You know how unsteady I am on me feet. I could trip over them
  • So you said
  • WHAT?
  • ILL PUT THEM UP ON MY BED
  • I’ll have a biscuit with my tea. Do we have any biscuits Bernie?
  • I’m sure we have
  • Did you put that kettle on yet?
  • It’s on
  • BERNADETTE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING OUT IN THAT KITCHEN? DON’T FORGET THE BISCUITS. I’LL HAVE A CUSTARD CREAM…HAVE WE ANY JAFFA CAKES?
  • I’m not fucking deaf
  • WHAT DID YOU SAY?I CAN’T HEAR YOU
  • Well I can bleedin’ hear you. Mrs. O’Reilly at the bottom of the road can hear you for fuck sake
  • WHAT?
  • DO YOU WANT A PIECE OF CAKE?
  • WHAT?
  • Jaysis I need a drink already
  • WHAT?
  • I SAID THE TEA IS NEARLY READY

 

Is it too early to have a stiff drink?  😦

 

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21 thoughts on “Armed and dangerous #AtoZChallenge

  1. You brought vodka, right? That’s an all-day beverage, right there. At breakfast? Just mix in some orange juice! Vodka with lunch: mix with diet cola, or toss it in a milkshake if you’re treating yourself. On particularly rough days, just keep it in a sports bottle with some lemon slices – nobody can tell it’s not water, right?

    Liked by 1 person

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