Mrs. Bouquet


Got me hair done this morning, met Julie after for a coffee and a chat…

  • I love the new do Ber
  • Thanks Julie. You know Jimmy said my hair is my crowning glory
  • Really; what’s he looking for?
  • Nothing
  • Ha, be looking for his swiss roll tonight Ber
  • Fuck off Julie. Can a man not give his wife a compliment now?
  • Jaysis, you’re even beginning to sound like him now
  • I am not
  • You are so… ‘can a man not give his wife a compliment now’
  • Jaysis, Jimmy is always saying that
  • I told you. You’re turning into your husband
  • Oh stop Julie, I am too
  • Brainwashed after all these years
  • Look who’s talking?
  • What are you on about?
  • Ray said this, Ray said that
  • Fuck off, I do not
  • Ye do so.
  • I don’t
  • You’re always at it
  • Oh jaysis Bernie, you’re right.
  • I know I’m right
  • Holy lord, what are we like?
  • Two married oul ones, that’s what
  • When did we turn into our mas?
  • Better turning into our mas and not their ma Julie
  • God forbid and all harm Bernie
  • ‘My husband and I’
  • ‘My son Raymond’
  • ‘My son James’
  • ‘My husband William’
  • ‘My Willie’
  • Don’t be dirty
  • Poor Willie, lord rest him
  • He’s a saint in Heaven
  • He was a saint on earth putting up with her
  • The bould Mrs Violet
  • Lily of the valley
  • Lily Violet, jaysis it’s nearly as bad as Rose Violet
  • Shurrup Jacintha
  • Fuck off
  • Did you know Jacintha is Spanish for Hyacinth
  • Ye, scarleh for me
  • Julie Jacintha, jaysis what was yer ma thinkin’?
  • Jacintha is after me granny
  • Mrs. Bouquet
  • That’s what the kids pals call me
  • Mine too…ha
  • Scarleh for ye Julie Jacintha Violet
  • Scarleh for ye Bernie Rose Violet

Flower power wha’!  🙂

Sunny Delight


Next doors dog keeps escaping into our garden and leaving little ‘messages’

Jimmy is not impressed…

  • That dog’s done a shite in our garden again
  • Ah poor Sunny
  • Sunny my arse
  • Poor Alison doesn’t get out much to bring him for a walk, he just comes in for a change of scenery
  • He comes in here to do his business and then leaves
  • I’ll bring him out for a walk for her later
  • It’s a bit late, he’s already shit on me roses
  • Sure that’s like fertiliser isn’t it?
  • He’s not a bleedin cow Bernie
  • Poo is poo isn’t it?
  • Dog shite is toxic
  • Ah no way. I’m not having that. I’ll have to talk to Alison
  • How is the fucker getting in? that’s what I want to know
  • There’s a gap in the fence, that’s how he’s getting in
  • There’s a gap in his arse, that’s how it’s getting out
  • Oh just mend the gap then
  • I’ll mend his gap
  • Just do something temporary, put up a piece of wood  until we can get the fence repaired
  • I’ll give him a temporary foot up his swiss roll if he does it again
  • Ah leave him alone Jimmy

Who says it’s a dogs life ?