I’m just sitting here having a coffee. The house is silent and I’m on my own for once. Jason has just left.

I remember the days when I didn’t have a minute to myself ,when the kids were younger and having to watch them like a hawk, trying to keep them away from drink, drugs and unsuitable mates. It’s no wonder I’m turning grey. My Jason was the worst of the lot, always up to something. It was a full time job trying to keep tabs on him, he was always somewhere he shouldn’t be… smoking down the lane, drinking up the fields, going on the hop from school. I thought he’d never grow up and stop annoying me. I was forever catching him sneaking out at night. He was such a little chancer. It seems like only yesterday…

• Where do you think you’re going this hour of the night?
• Jaysis ma, you frightened the life out of me there
• So, where are you going?
• Nowhere, I’m just opening the window for a bit of air. It’s roasting in here
• So why are you wearing a tracksuit and hat if it’s so warm?
• Well, it was cold earlier. I forgot I was wearing them
• You must think I’m a right eejit, now get down off that windowsill and get your pyjamas on
• I haven’t worn pyjamas since I was ten ma, will you stop
• Well what are they under your pillow then?
• They’re me lounging pants ma
• Well put on your lounging pants then and get into that bed.
• Bed? At ten o’clock ma?
• You’ve school in the morning
• I know ma, jaysis
• Don’t jaysis me! You can’t get out of the bed when I call you in the mornings. It’s like trying to wake the dead
• Leave it out ma will ye
• No I won’t leave it out. Just wait until your da hears you were trying to sneak out again, he’ll bloody murder you
• I wasn’t trying to sneak out
• I wasn’t born yesterday Jason, now get into that bed before I call your father up them stairs
• I’m not five ma, for gods sake
• No, you’re fifteen , and you’re not leaving the house at this hour of the night
• My mates are all still out, it’s not fair
• There’s nothing good out at this hour of the night and you’re not going gallivanting with them youngfellas off the avenue
• Will you stop with your gallivanting ma, you sound like me nanny, and what’s wrong with  the lads off the avenue?
• What’s right with them? Shower of wasters
• Anyway I wasn’t going to meet them, I was meeting me mates Foxy and Joe
• I thought you weren’t meeting anyone?
• It’s only ten o’clock ma. My mates mas allow them stay out until eleven
• Well I’m not your mates ma, and you’re not going out
• This house is like bleedin’ Alcatraz. It’s a wonder you don’t have bars on the windows
• Well if you keep trying to sneak out I might just get some fitted
• What would the neighbours think ma?It’d ruin the look of the house
• I don’t give a shite what the neighbours think, as well you know Jason Violet, so don’t try getting smart with me. Now I’m going downstairs to make a cuppa. do you want any supper
• No
• Right, goodnight so
• Actually, do you have any of that apple tart left?
• I’ll see if your da hasn’t eaten it all, come on
• Can you bring it up to me ma?
• There’s no room service in Alcatraz son, sorry about that
• Right, I’ll be down in a minute so…and say nothing to da yeah?
• I’ll think about it… now get away from that window

 

Ah he wasn’t the worst. I miss him now that he’s moved out. I can’t believe he’s all grown up and  living with his girlfriend now. He still comes back looking for my apple tart though.

And now he has a baby on the way. That’s what he called in to tell me. My baby is going to be a daddy.

I really hope that child gives him lakko when he’s older, just like he gave me. Give him a taste of his own medicine. Isn’t karma great all the same?

On another note….me?…a granny? jaysis, I think I need more than a coffee to let that one sink in. I’ll be sleeping with a granddad as well. Wait ’til Jimmy hears the news…