‘Hot from the catwalks of Paris, we have this season’s latest trend’ ‘says Glenda on Exposé last night. ‘Denim is back’.
I never knew it was gone away to be honest with you.They talk some bullshit on these fashion programmes.
He was reading the newspaper, waiting for Emmerdale to come on.
– ‘Stop the lights Jimmy, You can keep wearing your wrangler jacket’.
– ‘I’d no intention of stopping’
– ‘You’ve been wearing it so long I thought it was glued to you; but at least now you’ll be on trend as they say.
– ‘Why do they never say trendy anymore’? ‘What’s all this ‘on trend’ crap’?
– ‘It’s not trendy to say trendy I suppose ‘
– Anyway,who gives a shite whether it’s on trend or trendy. I have that jacket since 1982’.
– ‘Is that all? It seems longer. I’m sure it was on trend when you bought it. Sure isn’t all fashion cyclical?’
– ‘Cyclical? ‘What’s that when it’s at home…Clothes for cyclists?’
– ‘Go back to your newspaper, you’re not even funny’.
– ‘…and there’s plenty more wear left in that jacket too’.
– ‘There’s holes in the sleeves’.
– ‘You’ve no appreciation for authenticity. My jacket is vintage; the real deal’.
– ’Vintage my arse; It’s just old’.
– ‘There’s no need to be crude.‘That jacket’s been with me longer than you have’.
– ‘Well I won’t have to worry about what to bury you in when you die will I’.
– ‘I’d be delighted to be buried in it. You’d only throw it in the bin when I’m gone’.
– ‘It doesn’t even matter if it doesn’t button up on you anymore. According to Glenda here that’s all the rage.’
– ‘Not buttoning up your jacket is all the rage? Since when?’
– ‘Since Spring/Summer collection; and you can push your sleeves up to your elbows again, like in Miami Vice. Remember you used to do that when I was only going out with you?’
– ‘I don’t remember that’.
– ‘You did. You and Jacko Whelan. The two of you strutted around like Don Johnston and what’s his name? Oh yeah… Philip Michael Thomas. I always thought he was a fine thing’.
– ‘Who? Jacko Whelan? Sure he’d a head like a bag of spanners Bernie’.
– ‘No, Philip Michael Thomas, ye big eejit’.
– ‘Philip Michael Thomas? Was he not in the Walton’s?
– ‘No, that’s Richard Thomas’ he played John Boy…and you wore shoes with no socks.’
– ‘When Did I wear shoes with no socks?’
– ‘When you hung around with Jacko Whelan back in the eighties. For feck sake Jimmy, are you even listening to me? Remember my da saying to you ‘Did you forget to put your socks on son?’ You were scarlet’.
– ‘Jasus Bernie, you’ve a great memory, and by the way my jacket buttons up perfectly well.’
– ‘Well why do you never button it up then’?
– ‘Because it’s trendy not to’
– ‘You’re only saying that because it’s on Exposé’
– ‘No I’m not. I’ve always been trendy’
– ‘Nothing to do with your beer belly then?’
– ‘I haven’t got a beer belly’
– ‘I can see you sucking it in. It’s not working Jimmy. You know,Jacko Whelan hasn’t got a beer belly’.
– ‘What’s this ? The Jacko Whelan appreciation society?
– ‘ What are you on about’?
– ‘You haven’t shut up about him all night’.
– ‘I was only saying he has no beer belly’.
– ‘Bully for Jacko’.
– ‘What? Are you jealous of Jacko Whelan?
– ‘I am in my arse’
– ‘You are so’
– ‘Why would I be jealous of him, the baldy yoke’?
– ‘Well stop sucking your belly in when you talk about him then’.
– ‘I’m not talking about him. You are’.
– ‘I still think you’re jealous’.
– ‘Jealous me hole. I can lose this belly anytime I like, but Jacko Whelan will always be a baldy git’.
Men…they can be so sensitive!
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