Nice legs shame about the face #AtoZChallenge

Monday with Maisie and she still just says what she’s thinking. I don’t know how she gets away with it …

Are you still watching your weight Bernie?
Along with everyone else ma
So how’s it going?
It’s not
Those bloody diets are a waste of bloody time anyway
Tell me about it
And all that exercising, is not good for you
I’m not getting much exercising done ma
Remember aunty Lil?
Lovely legs Lilian?
Her legs were all she had going for her Bernie
Ahh ma
After she lost all that weight, she looked shocking
Did she?
She aged ten years in six months
You’re terrible ma
I swear to God, as I’m sitting here. She lost a ton of weight, spent her life in the gym and after all that, she looked like a haggard old woman
I think the sunbeds had a lot to do with it as well ma, sure she was never off them
It was losing too much weight, it didn’t suit her. O.K. her body was fit enough, she looked like a young one from behind;but jaysis when she turned around, she’d frighten the life out of you
Nice legs but…
…Shame about the face

Now you all know where I get it from …

Jumping jacks and sweaty backs #AtoZchallenge

Heya Maro
Hey Bernie.Where have you been? And what’s with the headband?You look like an extra from Fame
I was at the gym
You! Joined a gym? Seriously Bernie?
Well, not exactly joined
You either joined or you didn’t
Well,I went for a free trial, Just to see if I like it
And?
I didn’t like it
What didn’t you like?
They were all doing crunches and lifts and step aerobics, and kettle bell yokes
What did you think they’d be doing in a gym?
A bit of stretching, few jumping jacks, gentle aerobics
It’s a gym, not kindergarten playtime Bernie, and is there even such a thing as gentle aerobics?
I gave the aerobics a miss, I wasn’t able.The sweat is dripping down me back and I only did a lap of the gym and ten minutes on the bike,
So, waste of a headband then
Not necessarily
Go on, tell me, what are you up to next?
You’ll have to wait and see Maro
Heaven help us

M (1)

You’re sweatin’ Bernie, where were ye?
I was at de gym
I thought you were goin’ to work out at home
I changed me mind. Thought it would be better to get out and mix with others
What did ye do with me Jane Fonda video?
I fucked it in de bin, along with dat other Simmons gobshite
Dat’s an awful waste Ber. Dem gyms would rob ye.
Tell me about it. Three hundred euro
You’d be better off with de videos
Feck off Jimmy. You use de videos, I’m stickin’ with de gym
I don’t need to keep fit
Eh, hellllllooooo, have you looked in de mirror recently? Look at de size of dese
Aaaggh feck off pinchin’ me nipples Bernie, dat hurts
De bleedin’ moobs on ye Jimmy
What d’ye mean moobs?
Man boobs, jaysis they’re bigger dan mine
Dey are not
Dey are so. You’ll be borrowin’ me bras soon
Stop exaggeratin’ Ber
Maybe ye should come de gym with me. We could get a family membership, it works out cheaper
I’m not goin’ to any gym
Ah come on. You’d fit right in. It’s like moob world up there
Fuck off Bernie, I’m not goin’
Suit yerself
I will
Maybe Jane Fonda could help ye. Ye know de recycling bin hasn’t been collected yet
You’re not even funny
Ah I’m only buzzin’ wit ye Jimmy. Sure yer only moobtacular

moobs