Nice legs shame about the face #AtoZChallenge

Monday with Maisie and she still just says what she’s thinking. I don’t know how she gets away with it …

N

  • Are you still watching your weight Bernie?
  • Along with everyone else ma
  • So how’s it going?
  • It’s not
  • Those bloody diets are a waste of bloody time anyway
  • Tell me about it
  • And all that exercising, is not good for you
  • I’m not getting much exercising done ma
  • Remember aunty Lil?
  • Lovely legs Lilian?
  • Her legs were all she had going for her Bernie
  • Ahh ma
  • After she lost all that weight, she looked shocking
  • Did she?
  • She aged ten years in six months
  • You’re terrible ma
  • I swear to God, as I’m sitting here. She lost a ton of weight, spent her life in the gym and after all that, she looked like a haggard old woman
  • I think the sunbeds had a lot to do with it as well ma, sure she was never off them
  • It was losing too much weight, it didn’t suit her. O.K.  her body was fit enough, she looked like a young one from behind;but jaysis when she turned around, she’d frighten the life out of you
  • Nice legs but…
  • …Shame about the face

 

Now you all know where I get it from  …

 

 

Jumping jacks and sweaty backs #AtoZchallenge

J

  • Heya Maro
  • Hey Bernie.Where have you been? And what’s with the headband?You look like an extra from Fame
  • I was at the gym
  • You! Joined a gym? Seriously Bernie?
  • Well, not exactly joined
  • You either joined or you didn’t
  • Well,I went for a free trial, Just to see if I like it
  • And?
  • I didn’t like it
  • What didn’t you like?
  • They were all doing crunches and lifts and step aerobics, and kettle bell yokes
  • What did you think they’d be doing in a gym?
  • A bit of stretching, few jumping jacks, gentle aerobics
  • It’s a gym, not kindergarten playtime Bernie, and is there even such a thing as gentle aerobics?
  •  I gave the aerobics a miss, I wasn’t able.The sweat is dripping down me back and I only did a lap of the gym and ten minutes on the bike,
  • So, waste of a headband then
  • Not necessarily
  • Go on, tell me, what are you up to next?
  • You’ll have to wait and see Maro
  • Heaven help us

Moobs

M (1)

 

  • You’re sweatin’ Bernie, where were ye?
  • I was at de gym
  • I thought you were goin’ to work out at home
  • I changed me mind. Thought it would be better to get out and mix with others
  • What did ye do with me Jane Fonda video?
  • I fucked it in de bin, along with dat other Simmons gobshite
  • Dat’s an awful waste Ber. Dem gyms would rob ye.
  • Tell me about it. Three hundred euro
  • You’d be better off with de videos
  • Feck off Jimmy. You use de videos, I’m stickin’ with de gym
  • I don’t need to keep fit
  • Eh, hellllllooooo, have you looked in de mirror recently? Look at de size of dese
  • Aaaggh feck off pinchin’ me nipples Bernie, dat hurts
  • De bleedin’ moobs on ye Jimmy
  • What d’ye mean moobs?
  • Man boobs, jaysis they’re bigger dan mine
  • Dey are not
  • Dey are so. You’ll be borrowin’ me bras soon
  • Stop exaggeratin’ Ber
  • Maybe ye should come de gym with me. We could get a family membership, it works out cheaper
  • I’m not goin’ to any gym
  • Ah come on. You’d fit right in. It’s like moob world up there
  • Fuck off Bernie, I’m not goin’
  • Suit yerself
  • I will
  • Maybe Jane Fonda could help ye. Ye know de recycling bin hasn’t been collected yet
  • You’re not even funny
  • Ah I’m only buzzin’ wit ye Jimmy. Sure yer only moobtacular

 

moobs