Frozen

 

  • Alright Bernie
  • I’m frozen Jimmy, put the kettle on will you
  • Where were you?
  • I went for a walk with Julie
  • In this weather?
  • I didn’t realise how cold it was. I was going mad looking at the four walls
  • It’s bleedin’ Baltic
  • Ah sure I was well wrapped up
  • You could have relapsed
  • Don’t be stupid Jimmy
  • Don’t come moaning to me if you get that flu back
  • Why would I moan to you? You’re the one who moaned about having the flu, not me.
  • I nearly died Bernie
  • You had the flu Jimmy, not the feckin’ Bubonic Plague
  • You’ve no sympathy. People died from the Aussie flu
  • Who? Who died Jimmy?
  • Well I don’t know them personally but I read it in the paper
  • Oh well if you read it in the paper it must be true
  • Conor McGregor had it
  • What’s that got to do with the price of turnips?
  • I’m just saying, him and his entire family were struck down with it over the New Year. Some of them were hospitalised
  • Did they die?
  • No but…
  • So why are you even going on about them?
  • I was only telling you
  • Oh forget it. What’s for dinner?
  • I haven’t been to the shops yet. I just came back for me purse
  • Oh right. I fancy a bit of steak
  •  I don’t think I’ll bother going back out now now
  • Why? What about me dinner?
  • Imagine if I relapsed in the butchers ?
  • You’re just talking silly now
  • You said yourself, it’s Baltic out there
  • Sure can’t you take the car Bernie, come on I’ll make you a cuppa first
  • Jaysis… You’re all heart Jimmy

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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I will survive

solpadeine

I woke up with the mother of all hangovers this morning. The last thing I remember is knocking back shots  with Lynn and Julie after we did our Gloria Gaynor party piece on the karaoke…

  • Me head is bangin’ Jimmy
  • I’ve no sympathy
  • I didn’t ask for any
  • Self inflicted Bernie
  • …and you’ve never had a hangover in your life I suppose
  • I don’t do hangovers Ber
  • You do so, you just don’t let on
  • You know me Ber;  I’m not one for complaining
  • Leave it out will ye, you’re always complaining
  • I am not
  • You are so
  • Like when?
  • Like when you sneezed last week and swore you were dying with flu
  • Don’t exaggerate
  • I’m not exaggerating, you were exaggerating
  • I never said I was dying. I just said I thought I was getting the flu
  • Well you were lying on the sofa all day like a dying swan, demanding hot drinks and chip sambos
  • Feed a flu, starve a fever
  • You didn’t have a flu
  • Well it was coming on
  • You’re talking through your swiss roll Jimmy
  • I am not Bernie, they say eat and drink loads to combat flu
  • Well ‘THEY’ didn’t have to put up with your moans all day
  • I wasn’t moaning. I was sick. Jaysis I wouldn’t want to be looking for sympathy from you anyway
  • There wasn’t a bother on ye when Anto rang ye to go to the pub
  • United were playing
  • So United cures the flu..should have told me earlier,I could’ve ordered Sky Sports, saved me traipsing in and out all day with bleedin’ cups of tea and lem sips
  • I forced meself to go. I didn’t want to let Anto down
  • Would you get out of that. You were out that door like a blue arsed fly when he called
  • I was very weak. Anto had to link me to the pub
  • …well the drink obviously didn’t help, because he had to link you comin’ home aswell
  • I thought the few pints would sort me out but they just went to me head
  • Nothing to do with the whiskey then
  • A hot whiskey is yer only man Ber, I felt like a new man after
  • Obviously you did Jimmy, because you didn’t know your own name when you got home.
  • It was them lem sips did it Bernie,  I shouldn’t have taken them with the solpadeine
  • Never mind the eight pints and whiskey chasers
  • …and you say I’ve no sympathy
  • I didn’t mix medication and drink
  • You’re a cold fish sometimes Bernie
  • Says you, telling me my headache is self inflicted
  • Well it is
  • I’ll survive
  • I’m sure you will Bernie
  • Ask me arse Jimmy
  • I would, but I’m afraid it might answer me
  • Shurrup  and make us a cuppa will ye
  • Cup of tea and sympathy coming up love
  • I told you I don’t want sympathy, just a cup of bloody tea Jimmy
  • … and two solpadeine?
  • Yes please

Ouch , I’m never drinking again…’til the next time of course