Under Pressure #AtoZChallenge


  • Hey Ber
  • Hey Julie
  • What’s up with you? You’ve a face on you like a slapped arse
  • Don’t you start
  • What? I’m only joking
  • Well I’m sick of people passing comment
  • Like who?
  • Everyone
  • What are they saying?
  • That I’m a boring shite
  • Who said that? Cheeky fuckers
  • Tina
  • Ah don’t mind her, she’d hardly Mrs fun factory herself is she. When  did she say this?
  • The other night when I wouldn’t go to the pub
  • You wouldn’t go to the pub? Jaysis, that’s serious shit Ber
  • See you’re at it now!
  • Sorry Ber, I’m only buzzin’ with you
  • Tina said all I talk about is my weight
  • Well, to be fair Bernie…
  • Don’t you start
  • Jaysis, keep your knickers on
  • My big fat Bridget Jones knickers you mean?
  • Don’t exaggerate
  • I’m not exaggerating. I’m pissed off being fat
  • You are not fat, anyway haven’t you lost a few pounds?
  • Four
  • That’s brilliant.
  • Yeah it is isn’t it, but I had a rasher sandwich yesterday so I’d say they’re back on
  • Stop the lights, Bernie had a sandwich!
  • Fuck off Julie. I’m raging with myself
  • Did you enjoy it?
  • Yeah it was gorgeous, even nicer than the Big Mac
  • Well then it was worth it so…wait a minute..a Big Mac? When..
  • …Don’t even ask Julie; then there were all the Easter eggs remember?
  • Whatever Bernie. Look today is a new day so forget the rashers and big macs and chocolate and move on. You’re putting yourself under too much pressure, all for the sake of a few pounds
  • I’ve no willpower
  • You’re doing great but you do need to lighten up and stop counting the calories in every bloody thing you pick up
  • I can’t help it. Tina said I’m obsessed
  • You are a bit
  • I suppose I am, I nearly ate the head off her
  • Jesus, you must’ve been hungry
  • Starving




MCDonalds #AtoZChallenge



  • How’s the diet coming along?
  • Don’t mention diets to me. I’ve a pain in me swiss with diets
  • What one is it now?
  • Well, I’m meant to be on the keto one, but all I seem to do is eat eggs, fish,meat, chicken cheese and chocolate
  • Doesn’t sound too bad to me, and you love fish
  • Yeah, a smoked cod in batter, surrounded with chips, onion rings and curry sauce
  • Lovely
  • Well, I can’t have that, mine has to be steamed or boiled, no batter
  • Ooooh, sounds nasty
  • It is nasty, and I’m sick of chocolate
  • I’m sure you don’t have to eat the chocolate
  • I’d kill for a McDonalds
  • One won’t kill you I’m sure
  • Well, I am allowed some carbs…and burgers are meat… and I can ask for extra cheese on my Bic Mac
  • There ye go Bernie, problem solved
  • I might even treat meself to a McFlurry

This diet lark is not so bad after all 😉

Health is wealth #AtoZChallenge


Day seven of my non diet and I’m afraid to stand on the scales. I went around to me mas to get away from all the Easter chocolate in my gaff…

  • A diet? A diet? You’re on a diet?
  • Don’t keep saying it ma
  • Why are you on a diet?
  • Just for the craic, why do you think?
  • You don’t need to lose weight Bernie
  • Me arse is the size of Galway Bay ma
  • Indeed it’s not, who told you that?
  • No one, I have a mirror
  • Well, you need to get a new mirror. Turn around and let me see
  • Can you not see it from there ma?
  • Wait until I put me glasses on
  • You don’t need glasses to see my arse
  • I think you’re just buying the wrong clothes Bernie
  • What do you mean?
  • The pockets on them jeans aren’t very flattering, they just draw your eye to the area
  • So you admit my arse looks huge
  • It’s not actually huge, but…
  • Jesus thanks ma
  • Look aren’t you healthy? That’s the main thing
  • Yeah, I feel great, you’ve made me feel soooooo much better ma
  • Your health is your wealth Bernie
  • I’d rather be healthy with a smaller arse
  • Don’t be silly Bernie, now go put the kettle on and I’ll open one of my Easter eggs.
  • Jaysis, is there no end to the bleedin’ Easter Eggs? Easter was a week ago and the eggs are everywhere, it’s like they’re following me
  • I thought you loved chocolate Bernie
  • Yeah I do ma, that’s the problem. I came here to get away from it. I thought yours would be all gone
  • Ah no, I still have eight left
  • Eight? Jaysis how many did you get?
  • Twelve. All the grand kids bought me one, and the gays bought me one, and Leonard bought me one, and….
  • Ok. Ok. I get the picture ma
  • Come on Bernie, a little bit won’t do you any harm
  • So everyone keeps saying, but try telling that to my backside ma


I’m not going near her again until all them eggs are eaten