Overeating #AtoZChallenge

I’m very behind on this Ato Z challenge this month. I don’t have a minute to meself, and then Carmel asks me to go to weight watchers with her. I’m hardly obese but I said I’d go to support her. She hates going on her own because that bean pole Audrey who runs the class is a pain in the arse. She doesn’t like me because I don’t take it seriously enough and I love to wind her up.



  • Good morning Bernie
  • Morning Audrey
  • So how did you get on this week?
  • Great.
  • Have you been watching what you eat?
  • I have.
  • Well you haven’t lost any weight this week.
  • I’m not surprised.
  • Why’s that.
  • Because I watch what I eat alright.
  • How do you mean?
  • I watch  the burgers and chips, I watch the pizzas, I watch the steak and onions. I watch it all, just before it goes into my mouth.
  • That’s not what I meant when I said watch what you eat. You need to eat more fruit and salads.
  • I will Audrey, no problem.
  • And maybe cut down on the booze.
  • Who are you, me ma?
  • I’m trying to help you here Bernie.
  • Whatever Audrey.


Would you be bothered really?


April goals and Alcoholliers #AtoZChallenge


Ok so as well as doing the AtoZ Challenge this month I’m also on a mission to lose weight before me alcoholliers. I could be fighting a losing battle because I get no encouragement from anyone in this gaff…


  • JIMMY!!
  • What?
  • What time is it?
  • It’s half past twelve
  • Well why does it say ten past eleven on these scales?
  • You’re standing on a weighing scales Bernie, not a bleedin’ clock
  • There’s a clock built into it
  • Who told you that?
  • Jason did when he bought it for me
  • Don’t be minding that fella, he’d say mass
  • But look it says 11.10 on the screen
  • That’s your weight Bernie…not the time
  • I’ve never been eleven stone in my life the bleedin’ cheek of you
  • Don’t blame me
  • I’ll kill that Jason fella
  • He didn’t eat cream cakes and chips Bernie, you did
  • Why would he even buy me a weighing scales anyway?
  • Because he asked you what you wanted for your birthday and you said, to lose weight, he was only being supportive
  • Supportive me hole
  • Well you know what to do now don’t you
  • I haven’t had a chip since last Friday…or a cream cake
  • Think on the positive side Bernie
  • What’s to be positive about?. I’m the size of an elephant
  • Well, it could be ten past eleven and you could be twelve and a half stone
  • Shurrup Jimmy!