Met Danny chatting to the builders yesterday on my way home

• Howya Danny.
• Ah there she is now, Mrs. Doyle herself
• Don’t you start, I’ve enough of your builders and Jimmy without you joining in.
• Ah, they were delighted with the tea and biscuits, weren’t you lads?

‘Fair play to you Mrs. Doyle’ they shouted, are you putting the kettle on any time today?

‘No, you can shag off now for slagging, and don’t you Mrs. Doyle me’ says I . Feckers just laughed at me. ‘Ah but you make a lovely cup of tea’. says one of them. ‘Flatter me all you like’ says I, anyway, Danny is back now and I’m sure himself or Marlene will look after you’.

• They’ll be a long time waiting for a cup of tea off me ma, Bernie.
• Oh is she not a tea drinker then?
• Ah she loves a cup of tea, no better woman for making a brew, but she’s gone off on a cruise.
• Is she? Fair play to her.
• Yeah, didn’t fancy hanging around while strangers traipsed around her house for the viewings.
• I don’t blame her, Danny. Nothing worse than people tearing strips off your decor. I had it all when we were selling my mas house, lord rest her.
• Yeah, I had to hold her back when some young one said everything needed to go in a skip. Fuming she was.
• Cheeky wagon, these young ones haven’t a clue. I’d have given her a piece of my mind if it was me.
• Me ma told her to get out and she wasn’t getting her hands on her house as long as she had a breath left in her.
• Oh poor Marlene.
• Yeah, fit to be tied she was. your woman just said ‘Looks like we won’t be long waiting then’.
• That’s shocking, what a bitch.
• Anyway, the auctioneer advised ma to stay away for viewings after that, so she booked a Caribbean cruise and told him under no circumstances was he to sell to that one.
• She really took him literally when he said stay away.
• Ah me ma always goes overboard when she’s in a mood.
• I hope not, Danny, especially in the Caribbean…