• Did you know today is International be kind day?
• I’m kind everyday, Kylie.
• You think?
• Are you saying I’m not kind to people?
• Not to everyone.
• Seriously? I’m a nice person.
• Not always.
• When was I not kind?
• When you called that woman a dozy bitch in the car park on Saturday. When you waved out the window at Mr. Burke and called him a nosy fucker. When you called auntie Rita a shit stirrer.
• First of all, that dozy bitch took up two parking spots and she was only driving a micra, and I’d been driving around for half an hour looking for a spot. Secondly, Burkey actually IS a nosy fucker, staring in here every time he passes, and I’ll wave out my own window any time I like. Thirdly, Rita told your da that I said he was a lazy shite.
• Did you say that about da? Now that’s not very kind of you, ma.
• No, I did not. I just said he never put the bins out on Sunday night, and we missed the bin men.
• Is that all you said?
• Well, I might have said he was too busy sitting on his hole watching Netflix, but I said that to Marian. That sly wagon must have told Rita. What a bitch.
• Ma!
• What?
• How is that being kind?
• I’s very hard to be kind and nice to some people.
• Well, to be fair, Marian is a bitch, and Rita does stir the pot a lot.
• Yes, I told you.
• But don’t be slagging off me da, for today at least.
• He knows I don’t mean it, he expects it from me. I wouldn’t like to let him down.
• How kind of you, ma. Now what about Mr. Burke?
• What about him?
• He’s probably just lonely so be nice to him.
• Challenge accepted.
• Good woman, what will you do for him?
• I’ll stay away from the window, for today.

I just found out, Saturday is International Tolerance Day. I think I’ll have a duvet day…just to be on the safe side.