Fur coat, no knickers

~ Diary of a Dublin housewife
  • Why are you wearing granny’s fur coat ma?
  • Because it’s freezing out.
  • You hate that coat.
  • I’m only hanging out the washing in it, not going to the National concert hall.
  • How did it even get here?
  • I wore it home from grannies house last night.
  • You actually went out in public in me grannies coat?
  • Do you have a problem with that?
  • Do you not?
  • This is real fur, you know.
  • Exactly.
  • It was very expensive.
  • You sound like me granny.
  • I do not.
  • You do.
  • Look, Kylie. This mink is over sixty years old.
  • What difference does that make?
  • The little minks are dead for over half a century. They’re not going to rise from the dead if I stop wearing the coat.
  • OMG, You are literally granny risen from the dead.
  • Stop that now.
  • Has da seen this?
  • Me wearing my mothers coat?
  • No, you turning into your mother.
  • Shag off.
  • OK granny.
  • I’m warning you, Kylie.
  • Does he know you wore that coat out?
  • Oh for feck sake, I only wore it up the road.
  • Are you going to wear it to Bingo?
  • I don’t go to Bingo.
  • Not yet, but you will.
  • I will not.
  • I can see it now. You in the mink, and auntie Mar wearing the fox fur. Two fat ladies, Mary and Kate eighty eight.
  • How did you know Mar got the fox fur?
  • Stop it ma, I was only joking.
  • Well, I’m not.
  • Did granny leave you her coat in her will?
  • She did.
  • Ah that’s too funny, she knew you hated it.
  • She always knew how to wind me up.
  • You told her you’d burn it if you ever got the chance.
  • Yeah, she wasn’t impressed.
  • So why did she leave it to you then?
  • Because she knew I was a sentimental old Biddy and wouldn’t get rid of it.
  • So you’re not going to burn it then?
  • No, can you imagine the smell? The neighbours would go mental.
  • You could donate it to charity.
  • Ma would turn in her grave.
  • What about an animal shelter? They’d be delighted with it.
  • Maybe.
  • You’re keeping it then?
  • Maybe.
  • Definitely.
  • Shut up, I’m going out to hang the rest of this washing on the line.
  • You’re a sight to behold ma.
  • Just call me Crystal Carrington.
  • Or, Cruella de Ville.
  • What? Brilliant? Bad?
  • No, ma, a little bit mad.
  • If the coat fits, Kylie 😉

11 thoughts on “Fur coat, no knickers”

  6. This post reminded me of my grandmothers mink coat. I must have been 7 years old and I remember going with her when she bought it. I remember there were so many coats at this store of all different animals. I don’t think we have stores like that anymore.

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