A few years ago, ma had a fall and we had to bring her to A&E. It was so overcrowded, it was like a scene from M.A.S.H. Every few hours, a doctor would come to see how she was doing and ask her questions. After many hours, a junior doctor arrived asking the same questions. She lost her rag.

• Good morning, madam. So can you tell me your name please?
• It’s on my chart.
• I know, but do you know your name?
• Of course I do.
• So?
• So, it’s still Maisie, same as the last ten times I was asked.
• And do you know why you were brought in to hospital?
• I told you already.
• Can you tell me again?
• Oh for the love of god. I fell.
• Where did you fall?
• At home.
• Whereabouts at home?
• The west wing.
• Excuse me?
• I fell in my bedroom.
• Did you trip or were you feeling dizzy.
• I’m feeling dizzy with all these questions, doctor.
• I’m sorry, I have to ask.
• I tripped over my foot spa.
• And did you bang your head?
• Yes, on the side of the dressing table.
• And did you lose consciousness?
• No.
• Any headache?
• Not much.
• Any other pains?
• Just in my arse.
• Oh, did you fall on your bottom?
• No, I’ve just a pain in my arse hanging around this place.
• I’m sure you do. Now can you tell me your date of birth?
• No.
• Do you not remember?
• I do, but I’m not telling you.
• Can you just tell me the year you were born, Margie?
• No, and my name is Maisie.
• But…
• I told you this morning, and I told your colleague last night…a ladies age is her own business.
• OK then. So, can you tell me who is the president of Ireland?
• Why?
• I’m just checking your brain activity
• I’m in here because I had a fall. What’s that got to do with Mary Robinson?
• So, you think Mary Robinson is the president?
• She was; and then the other Mary.
• Mary McAleese.
• Very good doctor, and who was before her?
• I beg your pardon?
• Who was the president of Ireland before Mary McAleese?
• I’m meant to be asking you the questions.
• Aww do you not know the answer?
• No, I’m afraid I don’t.
• It was Patrick Hillery. Are you sure you didn’t have a fall, doctor?
• I’m quite sure.
• What are you looking at me like that for? Patrick Hillery was the president before Mary Robinson, and O’Dálaigh was before him.
• Excellent, Maisie. So who is the president now?
• Michael D is of course. Well he was before I checked in to this place. They could have had another election the length of time I’m lying here waiting for a bed.
• Yes, it is still Michael D.
• A lovely man, and his wife is lovely too; what’s her name again? Sabrina, isn’t it?
• Sabina
• That’s it, Sabina; She must’ve dropped the ‘R’. Sabrina isn’t very ‘presidents wife’ is it?
• I’ve just a few more questions…
• I’ve a question for you doctor.
• Yes?
• When can I go home?
• We need to keep you in for observation overnight in case you have concussion.
• Sure I’ve been here nearly a day already. Am I getting a bed or what?
• I don’t actually know yet Marg…Maisie
• Well, I’ll tell you what; When you have the answer to that one, come back to me.
• I’ll see what I can do.
• Bye now.
• I’ll be back to you.
• Well, only if it’s to tell me you either have a bed for me or I can go home. And get someone to bring me a cup of tea. I’m bloody parching.

She was well able for those doctors, god love them.