Violets are blue

V (1)

  • What has you in the blues Bernie?
  • How d’ye mean Jimmy?
  • You’ve a face like a slapped arse all day
  • It’s this weekend at the health farm.I’m dreadin’ the thoughts of it
  • I thought you were lookin’ forward to it
  • I was with Julie, but not with them two
  • Ah they’re not that bad
  • You go with them then
  • On a girls weekend? to a Spa? Leave it out will ye Bernie
  • You leave it out
  • Anyway I’ll be in Paris
  • Rub it in why don’t ye Jimmy
  • Ah you’ll have a great time, wait ’til ye see. You and Ger will be bezzies by de time ye come home
  • I’m warnin’ you Jimmy
  • Stranger things have happened Ber
  • Strange things will happen to you if ye don’t shurrup
  • Just tell her you’re not goin’. No point gettin’ down in the dumps over it
  • I don’t want to be rude
  • Doesn’t stop you with me
  • I don’t want her to know I don’t want to go with her
  • But you don’t
  • I know, but I don’t want to hurt her feelings
  • She’ll have Petrocelli with her, she’ll be grand
  • Her name is Patchoulli
  • Where does she come up with the names? What’s the other one called?
  • Willow
  • Jaysis
  • Is she still living in Galway?
  • Who?
  • Willow
  • No, she’s home. Actually Ray said she was hopin’ to go to the Spa with you lot but it’s completely booked up
  • Really?
  • You look very happy all of a sudden
  • I am happy. Thanks Jimmy
  • For what?
  • You might have just solved my problem
  • Did I?

 

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Dry

 

 

D

The pubs and off licences are all closed on Good Friday. Jimmy is not a bit pleased. You’d swear they were never going to open again. He’s been pacing the house like a caged tiger all day.

 

  • Sit down Jimmy will ye. You’re making me dizzy
  • I’ve a pain in me arse sitting down Bernie
  • Well go out for a walk then
  • A walk where?
  • I don’t know. The park, the shops, your ma’s
  • The park will be full of kids. The shops will be full of crazy shoppers stocking up  as if they were expecting a nuclear attack instead of a long weekend…and me ma will be at the church all day doing the stations of the cross
  • Well go out and do the garden then
  • Ah, it’s too damp out to cut the grass
  • Do a bit of weeding then
  • Ah me back is not the best today Bernie, I’ll only make it worse if I bend down
  • Well do something Jimmy ‘cause you’re getting on my nerves
  • Well if the bleedin’ pubs were open I could go for a pint
  • I knew that’s what was wrong with you. It’s only one day Jimmy for fuck sake
  • Yeah, the one day I’m off work and can actually go for a pint, I can’t
  • You go for a pint every night Jimmy
  • Not tonight tho’ Bernie. Even Jesus had a pint at the last supper.
  • He did not Jimmy
  • Well, he had wine then
  • Not in a pub tho’
  • It’s ridiculous that they keep the pubs closed of a good Friday in this day and age. My mouth is as dry as bleedin’ Ghandi’s flip- flop
  • Have a can from the fridge if you’re that desperate
  • It’s not the same Bernie. I’m not a house drinker. I like the ambience of the pub with me mates
  • The ambience? The smell of beer and farts in that bar would knock you out sometimes
  • It’s not that bad Bernie
  • The gas emmisions would turn the air blue
  • Don’t exaggerate
  • Well, you probably do most of the farting Jimmy so you wouldn’t notice
  • You’re very pass remarkable today. I suppose yours smell of roses
  • Rose by name rose by nature Jimmy
  • What does that make me then Bernie?
  • Well they do say violets are blue
  • You’re hilarious
  • If the cap fits Jimmy
  • Fuck off, I’m going to get a can

Roll on Saturday!

guinness