Frozen

 

  • Alright Bernie
  • I’m frozen Jimmy, put the kettle on will you
  • Where were you?
  • I went for a walk with Julie
  • In this weather?
  • I didn’t realise how cold it was. I was going mad looking at the four walls
  • It’s bleedin’ Baltic
  • Ah sure I was well wrapped up
  • You could have relapsed
  • Don’t be stupid Jimmy
  • Don’t come moaning to me if you get that flu back
  • Why would I moan to you? You’re the one who moaned about having the flu, not me.
  • I nearly died Bernie
  • You had the flu Jimmy, not the feckin’ Bubonic Plague
  • You’ve no sympathy. People died from the Aussie flu
  • Who? Who died Jimmy?
  • Well I don’t know them personally but I read it in the paper
  • Oh well if you read it in the paper it must be true
  • Conor McGregor had it
  • What’s that got to do with the price of turnips?
  • I’m just saying, him and his entire family were struck down with it over the New Year. Some of them were hospitalised
  • Did they die?
  • No but…
  • So why are you even going on about them?
  • I was only telling you
  • Oh forget it. What’s for dinner?
  • I haven’t been to the shops yet. I just came back for me purse
  • Oh right. I fancy a bit of steak
  •  I don’t think I’ll bother going back out now now
  • Why? What about me dinner?
  • Imagine if I relapsed in the butchers ?
  • You’re just talking silly now
  • You said yourself, it’s Baltic out there
  • Sure can’t you take the car Bernie, come on I’ll make you a cuppa first
  • Jaysis… You’re all heart Jimmy

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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You are my sunshine

sunshine

The sun’s been out for two feckin’ days and people are moaning about the heat already. Guess who’s the worst culprit? Yeah, you’re right. Jimmy came home from work early yesterday, sweating buckets.

  • Jaysis Ber, I’m bleedin’ meltin’
  • Must be something to do with the weather Jimmy
  • The heat is unreal tho’ isn’t it
  • Ah give over will ye , it’ll probably be pissing rain tomorrow
  • A drop of rain would be no harm
  • What? Will you give over. It’s been raining for weeks
  • You’d miss it but
  • Miss the rain? Ehhh, no
  • I’m burned to a rasher working out in that heat.
  • You’d be moaning if you had to work indoors
  • At least there would be air conditioning
  • You’re never happy are ye?
  • I’m just hot Bernie. It’s ok for you, lying out on your sun lounger under your umberella all day
  • Excuse me, I’m not lying out all day. I was working until one o’clock…indoors, with NO air conditioning, then I had to come home and do me housework. I’m only after coming out this minute
  • Ah yeah, I believe ye
  • Fuck off Jimmy. Believe what ye like, now move, you’re blocking me rays
  • Ah but, messing aside, it is nice to have a bit of sun all the same. I just wish it wasn’t so hot
  • It’s not that hot
  • You could fry an egg on the bonnet of me van it’s so hot Bernie
  • That’s handy. I wont have to put the cooker on to make you a rasher and egg sambo so
  • Ah that sounds lovely Ber, I’m bleedin’ starvin’
  • Would you like a sandwich love?
  • I’d love one
  • Grand, make me one too while you’re at it
  • Very funny
  • I wasn’t trying to be funny. I’d love a sandwich
  • Ah, you make them nicer Bernie
  • You just hate to see me sitting down don’t ye
  • I’m knackered too, I had to knock off early  because of the sunshine and the high pollen count. I’m in bits here Bernie
  • You’d have to knock off early if it was raining Jimmy
  • The perils of being a builder Bernie
  • My heart bleeds for you
  • I’d never get any sympathy in this house
  • You knocked off work early and you’re looking for sympathy? Get a grip will ye
  • It’s true what the say ‘leave your feelings at the door before you enter this house’
  • Who said that?
  • I’m saying nothing
  • Well shurrup then annoying me, will ye
  • Well a bit of concern for my hay fever wouldn’t go amiss
  • Oh for Gods sake, sit down ’til I go get your sambo and  antihistamines
  • Cheers love, oh and a beer from the fridge would be nice
  • Don’t push it Jimmy, don’t fuckin’ push it

Give me patience!