Russian Roulette

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Jimmy is very down in the dumps since Ireland were beaten by Denmark on Tuesday night. His world cup dream trip to Russia is not to be and he’s not at all pleased…

  • Cancel that Credit Union loan will you Bernie
  • Why?
  • Well, Russia is off now isn’t it
  • Shocking result Jimmy
  • Not really, even me granny lighting a candle wasn’t going to win that match for us
  • Sad all the same but sure we’ll take the loan anyway
  • But what’s the point Bernie?
  • I’d like to go somewhere next year
  • Like where?
  • Anywhere Jimmy; Spain, Portugal, Greece, the Bahamas. A couple of weeks in the sun would be lovely
  • Ah Bernie, you know I hate that two weeks in the sun shite
  • Eh hello…you didn’t say that when you fecked off to France for the Euros last year
  • That was different
  • It’s always different with you isn’t it? And how long were you planning on staying in Russia?
  • That wasn’t a holiday
  • Well what the fuck was it if it wasn’t a holiday?
  • It’s more of a pilgrimage Bernie
  • Lourdes is a pilgrimage; Medjugorge  is a pilgrimage…Russia for the world cup is not a bleedin’ pilgrimage. It’s a piss up every night with your mates while you trail around the country after a football team
  • It’s called supporting your country Bernie
  • It’s called taking liberties Jimmy, and what about supporting your wife?
  • I do support my wife. When did I ever leave you short?
  • I’m not talking about money Jimmy as well you know
  • Well we didn’t get through, Russia is off so there’s no point going on about it
  • All I said was, lets go on a holiday together seeing as you won’t be going to Russia
  • I’ll think about it
  • You’ll think about it? Is that what you said to your mates when they were planning the world cup trip? ‘I’ll think about it?’
  • What was there to think about Bernie?
  • Yeah too right, you were on to Trip Adviser checking flights to Moscow and Vladivostok before Ireland even qualified
  •  Vladivostok?
  • Yeah, that’s in Russia … isn’t it?
  • Yeah but none of the football venues are there
  • Look Jimmy I’m not an expert on Russian geography or football venues, but I do know where there’s a lovely hotel on the beach in Lanzarote , now are we going to go or not?
  • Do I have a choice?
  • I’m not holding a gun to your head Jimmy
  • Oh go on so…anywhere but Russia …or Denmark
  •  I’ll just go check Trip Adviser
  • You don’t waste any time do you?
  • Wasting time is robbing oneself
  • What?
  • Old Russian proverb Jimmy
  • I have an Irish one for you
  • What?
  • As much as I may drink tonight I will still be thirsty tomorrow
  • You’re off to the pub then?
  • Got it in one Bernie
  • I might join you later for a black russian

Every cloud does have a silver ling but doesn’t it?  😉

 

 

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X marks the spot

X (1)

 

  • What are you doing with the pin Bernie?
  • Apart from stickin’ it in your arse ye mean?
  • Why? What did I do?
  • I just got off the phone from Ger
  • Ger Byrne?
  • No, your sister in law Ger
  • Oh right, how’s young Petrocelli doin’
  • Her name is Patchouli Jimmy, for fuck sake, how many times have you to be told?
  • Yeah yeah, whatever
  • Anyway, stop changin’ de subject
  • What subject?
  • Of you tellin’ Ger I couldn’t wait to go to the health farm with her. How I was counting the minutes ’til de weekend
  • Oh that, yeah, ha right
  • You’re not bleedin’ funny Jimmy
  • Well you were de one who said you didn’t want her to know you didn’t want to go
  • So, you decided to tell her I was livin’ for it?
  • Ah now I wouldn’t go that far Ber
  • Well I would! It took me ages to convince her to give my place to Willow
  • But sure she was tryin’ to book Willow in yesterday when I was over. Practically begged yer one to squeeze her in for de weekend.
  • …and you didn’t think to tell me that? Or to suggest Willow went instead of me?
  • …well it wasn’t my place
  • My arse Jimmy. You’re such a knob head sometimes.
  • No need for dat talk Bernie
  • Ders every need Jimmy Violet
  • Anyway, what’s dat got to do with you brandishing a pin in my direction
  • I’m goin’ to stick it in a map of Spain
  • Why?
  • Because wherever it lands, is where I’m goin’
  • When?
  • The weekend I was meant to go to the Health farm
  • Why?
  • Because I’m SOOOOO disappointed I’m not going with Ger, I need to get away
  • On yer own?
  • Julie’s comin’ with me
  • I thought she was lookin’ after her sick mother
  • Her ma is much better now and her auntie May is comin’ over to visit, so Julie is free for de week. Right ,hold dat map straight for me ‘
  • Mind where yer wavin dat pin, will ye open yer eyes Bernie
  • Right, where did it land?
  • Give us a look Ber. Sierra Nevada. That’s a mountain range. Are yiz goin’ mountain climbin’?
  • Fuck off, give us yer pen for a minute
  • Here. What’s that for
  • X marks de spot Jimmy
  • Benidorm? Dat’s bleedin’ miles from there
  • Close enough for me Jimmy
  • You’re some bleedin’ chancer. I bet you already have Benidorm booked haven’t ye
  • Ask no questions Jim Bob…right I’m off out to buy a new swimsuit. See ye later alligater…your dinner is in de chipper
  • That’s lovely alright!

 

Don’t you just love it when a plan comes together 😉

bikini 2

Viva Espana

V

Getting ready to go on Holiday is bad enough without Jimmy annoying me.

  • Tickets, passports,money,Suncream, sunglasses, umberella…
  • Why are you bringing an umberella?
  • It might rain
  • In Santa Ponsa?
  • It rains in Spain
  • In July?
  • It might
  • You’re mad Bernie
  • I must be, I married you Jimmy
  • Have you got everything?
  • I’ve a feeling I’m forgetting something
  • Well the kitchen sink is in your suitcase so I doubt it
  • No, but I’ve got that feeling Jimmy
  • You and your feelings Bernie
  • I’ll just check me list
  • You’ve checked it three times already
  • Well now I’m checking it four times
  • The taxi will be here in a minute
  • Have you got the passports and tickets Jimmy?
  • Right here in my pocket
  • Where’s the plastic bag for liquids?
  • In your bag
  • Have we enough money?
  • Loads of money
  • Lovely Jubbly
  • There’s the taxi outside now
  • I still think we’re forgetting something
  • We’re forgetting nothing will you get out for fuck sake
  • You bring the suitcases, I’ll lock the door
  • Olé olé olé olé
  • Santa Ponsa here we come
  • Viva Espana
  • I can’t wait Jimmy. A whole week of sea sand and…
  • Steady on Bernie
  • I was going to say sangria, ye dirty fecker
  • Yeah right
  • Shurrup and get in the taxi will ye
  • Here we go, airport please Mr. taxi man
  • At last
  • Hang on…stop, stop
  • Ah jasus, what’s up now Jimmy?
  • I forgot me jacket
  • You won’t need it
  • Says the woman with the bleedin’ umbrella in her bag
  • I’ll buy you a new  jacket in the market
  • I need that one
  • Why?
  • Because the passports and tickets are in the pocket
  • For fuck sake Jimmy, you’re an awful gobshite