XYZ Rude sausage joke alert! #AtoZchallenge

XYZ

 

Ok so I’m cheating a bit, but as you know I’ve been way behind my AtoZ this month. It’s not everyday  that I have a conversation to relay to you, and today is one of those days so I’m lumping XY and Z in together. I only found out recently that XYZ is slang for eXamine Your Zipper, to let someone know their fly is open, and it brought to mind one of Jimmy’s many rude jokes. If you’re easily offended, please stop reading now…if you like a bit of dirt, carry on. But remember it’s not my joke, but it is the end of my #AprilAtoZblogging challenge.

 

Paddy and Mick fancy a few pints but it’s a few days to payday and they only have one euro between them, so, hatching what they think is a brilliant plan, they go to the butchers and spend it on a large sausage. They go into the first pub and order a pint each and two whiskey chasers. They down the pints and whiskey , then Paddy opens his fly and sticks the sausage in. Mick gets down on his knees and puts the sausage in his mouth. the barman goes berserk and throws them out, forgetting they haven’t paid for their drinks yet. They continue with this in several more pubs, getting drunker and drunker on all of the free drink. After about the tenth pub Mick says ‘Paddy, I don’t know how long more I can do this, I’m pissed as a fart and me knees are killin’ me’. ‘How do you think I feel?’ says Paddy ‘Sure I can’t even remember which pub I lost the sausage in’.

 

Jimmy thinks this is hilarious, and it’s a lot cleaner than some of his other jokes. I hope no one is too offended  😉

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I built my dreams around you

drunk christmas

So I stayed up late last night waiting for himself to get in from the pub.  I thought we could have a nightcap together…He got in at 2a.m.

  • I could have been someone
  • Well so could anyone
  • You took my dreams from me, when I first found you
  • Did you finish that bottle of Baileys Bernie?
  • What makes you say that Jimmy?
  • Just a hunch Bernie
  • Ah sure it’s Christmas Jimmy. Did you have a nice night?
  • Grand Bernie, just a few pints, you know yourself
  • That’s nice
  • Would you not just get into the bed Bernie instead of just lying on the duvet?
  • I will in a minute Jimmy
  • You should have just come the pub with me
  • I told you I wasn’t drinking tonight Jimmy. I’ve too much to do tomorrow. It’s Christmas Eve babe
  • I see that worked out well for you
  • Goodnight Jimmy, ye little maggot
  • Go asleep Bernie, you cheap lousy faggot
  • Merry Christmas your arse

 

…and the bells will be ringing out for Christmas Day