#Hinching #AprilAtoz

H

Whitney bought a book and a bottle of wine for me for mothers day.

  • Hinch Yourself Happy. What the fuck is this all about Whit?
  • A woman who cleans her house. I thought it would cheer you up.
  • You thought a book about housework would cheer me up?
  • Well, it’s not just about cleaning. She gives some good tips as well.
  • Here’s a cleaning tip for you love, marry a man who earns enough money to hire someone to do the cleaning.
  • You like a good book ma, I thought you’d enjoy it.
  • I’ve been cleaning up after you lot for nearly thirty years. Whitney. I’ve arthritis in me knees from scrubbing floors, me hands are like prunes from all the washing up and cleaning windows; me back is fucked from hoovering, and on Mother’s day, you seriously think I want to read about some aul one going into raptures about cleaning her oven and bleaching her jax?
  • She’s not an aul one. She’s only in her twenties.
  • Ah jaysis, she has time to wise up then.
  • I follow her on Instagram ma, she cleans in a fun way.
  • The only time housework is fun Whitney, is when you’re sitting back with a large glass of wine watching someone else do it.
  • You might be surprised ma.
  • You know what would surprise me? You actually practicing what you preach for once.
  • What do you mean  ma?
  • Well, if this Mrs. Hinch is so fabulous and housework is such fun, why don’t you do it…or are you just happy watching her on Instagram?
  • Do you not like your Mother’s day present then?
  • Ah Whitney, I’m sorry if I sound ungrateful, but when you get to my age, you don’t tend to get too giddy at the prospect of finding a new toilet cleaner; unless it’s Aggie and Kim or Mrs. Doubtfire that’s the actual cleaner.
  • I tell you what ma; you sit down there and I’ll pour you that large glass of wine. You can chill out while I hoover the stairs .
  • Now you’re talking love.
  • Happy Mother’s day ma.
  • Ah, you’re very good to your aul Mammy.Thanks very much love, cheers for the book. I’ll  have a browse through it while I’m sipping me wine.

It’s not a bad aul read all the same, I was on chapter two before I even noticed, Whitney had hung out me washing and emptied the dishwasher as well. 😊

Maybe this Mrs. Hinch one isn’t so bad after all 😉

 

 

Advertisements

Bottle Banks and bloody kids

 

Having grown up kids still living at home can take it’s toll. They’re worse than babies. I think I had it easier when I was changing nappies. I’m not the only one either.

  • How was your Christmas, Bernie?
  • Same shite different year, Babs
  • That bad was it?
  • Well if you call, feeding the five thousand everyday, then doing the washing up afterwards, doing the laundry, cleaning toilets, refilling toilet roll holders every five minutes, then driving to the bottle bank to get rid of everyone elses shite, then yeah…it was that bad.
  • So you didn’t enjoy it then?
  • Ah, I suppose it wasn’t that bad. Don’t be minding me. I’m just suffering from ACBYN syndrome.
  • What?
  • After Christmas, before New Year.
  • Those few days between Christmas and New Year are the worst, aren’t they Bernie? You don’t know what the hell day it is.
  • Well, I hate when my family are selfish fuckers. The more you do, the less thanks you get.
  • Mine are the same, they take over the house and then fuck off back to their lives with ne’er a thanks or a bunch of flowers or a kiss me arse.
  • And ordering takeaways all hours of the day and night, without even asking if you’d like something. Aww no, just leave your empty pizza boxes on the floor beside your empty glasses why don’t you. I’ve a pain in me hole running after that lot. I had to get out of the house for an hour, just to get away from them.
  • Ah, fair play to you, Bernie. Are you going anywhere nice?
  • The bottle bank…again.

Well that was before New Years Eve, and you know how that ended.  I swore this year, things were going to be different…we’ll see.