Calories

C 2018

  • Are you having a fry up Bernie?
  • Are you having a laugh Jimmy?
  • Why?
  • You know I’m on a diet
  • Don’t be ridiculous
  • Thanks for your support Jimmy
  • You don’t need to lose weight. You’re grand as you are
  • I’m not having a fry
  • A bleedin’ sausage isn’t going to kill you Bernie
  • Maybe if  you grill it
  • Grill my arse Bernie. I have the pan on. It’s fried or nothing
  • They do smell nice, and I am starving… and there’s probably not that many calories in one sausage… and…
  • Jaysis Bernie, are you having breakfast or not
  • Go on so Jimmy, seeing as you never cook, I’d feel bad if I didn’t
  • I’m not twisting your arm here am I?
  • Fuck it, throw on a rasher for me  as well
  • Right y’are Bernie
  • Sure I’ll have a salad for me tea
  • Lovely
  • I’ll butter the bread will I? One slice won’t kill me
  • Indeed it won’t.

smiling sausage

I don’t know if that sausage is disappointed or amused  :p

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Breakfast in bed #AtoZChallenge

God love her. Poor Maisie doesn’t eat much! I don’t know how she’s surviving  :p

B (2)

 

  • Morning ma
  • Morning Bernie
  • Are you having breakfast?
  • I’m not really hungry this morning
  • I’ll make you a cup of tea anyway
  • Are you having something?
  • Not yet. You know I don’t eat first thing in the morning
  • Well I won’t bother either
  • Jaysis ma. Just because I’m not hungry doesn’t mean you’re not to eat
  • I’ll have something small so
  • I’ll make you a rasher sandwich
  • Lovely, I haven’t had a rasher in ages
  • Phil said she cooked rashers on Sunday for you
  • For herself you mean. I had none
  • Hmm, whatever you say
  • WHAT?
  • I’LL JUST GO MAKE THE TEA
  • Sure I may as well have a sausage as well Bernie
  • O.K. ma
  • …and if there’s any eggs left, I’ll have one, oh and a tomato would be nice
  • I’ll just make you a fry up ma
  • Ah no, I wouldn’t eat a full fry Bernie. I’m not really hungry
  • So you’ll just have rasher, sausage, egg and tomato, tea and toast but you’re not hungry and you don’t want a full fry?
  • Well if it’s too much bother I’ll just have the slice of toast
  • I never said it was any bother
  • Well what’s the delay?
  • Jaysis, you’re not even out of the bed yet and you’re annoying me
  • WHAT?
  • I’LL JUST GO PUT THE FRY ON AND BRING YOU A CUP OF TEA
  • …and a bit of white pudding if there’s any left
  • Do you want one or two slices of toast?
  • No, just the one thanks Bernie. I’m not that hungry

 

‘I eat like a bird’ I heard her say to Mrs. Casey next door the other day. ‘Yeah, a fucking gannet ma’ says I. She wasn’t pleased.’I do not Bernie’ says she ‘I  eat very little’.  ‘The neighbours will think we’re starving you ma’ says I. ‘Feck the neighbours’ says she.  Jaysis lads, I’d better go defrost a few chickens from the freezer for her dinner tomorrow  :p

 

Satisfaction

dancing-7

Well, the wedding was absolutely brilliant. The bride was beautiful. The service was beautiful. The meal was beautiful…It was all BEAUTIFUL.

Bridget  and the brides granny were the only ones wearing hats. The granny said she wasn’t going near a church without her head covered, I don’t know what Bridgies excuse was but I think Marie forgot to tell her about the no hat rule. She’s such a dozy wagon, I almost felt sorry for her.( ALMOST, I said)

Me and Jules met for coffee and wedding post mortem the next morning in the Hotel lounge…

  • Great wedding Bernie wasn’t it and didn’t Sabrina look gorgeous
  • Gorgeous Julie. Her dress was fabulous wasn’t it
  • Out of this world it was Bernie, and Marie looked stunning
  • The men weren’t too bad either Jules
  • Very handsome indeed, but sure didn’t we all look great
  • Ah it’s lovely to have a day out and get all dolled up in our glad rags
  • Poor Bridgie all the same
  • Why poor Bridgie
  • Wearing that hat. Jaysis, the state of it
  • Serves her right trying to show off
  • Her and granny Byrne were bezzies all day
  • Ha, scarlet for her. Did you hear her telling Bridgie that  it was the likes of them that need to show the younger ones how to behave in church
  • Ha yeah, scarleh for her. ‘Those young ones have no decorum Bridget. Not like us’. God bless Granny Byrne, she’s a diamond.
  • …and she sure can dance. Did you see her doing the macarana with uncle Pat and all the kids at the reception
  • Fair play to her, she’s got the moves alright. She must be knackered today, the last I saw of her, she was leading a conga line through the bar on the way to bed at two o’clock this morning
  • She’s not the only one knackered, jaysis me feet are in ribbons
  • Well you hardly sat down all night, except to take a swig of your drink
  • You were as bad, Dirty dancing all night with Raymondo, you almost outshone Sabrina and Josh doing their gangnam style
  • Ah me and Ray always loved dancing
  • Ah I love an aul bop Jules. The band were so good I could have danced all night
  • Ye did dance all night Ber, I saw ye, and so did Bridgie; doin’ the fandango with her Nigel
  • Ah we were only havin’ the craic. He’s not a bad mover himself. Did you know he was a champion Irish dancer
  • Are you serious?
  • Ye, Bridget said he could have toured with River Dance
  • Her very own Michael Flatly wha’, and you with Jimmy Flatfeet
  • Fuck off Julie, Jimmy hasn’t got flat feet
  • No, just two left ones Ber
  • Nidge said Bridgie is not much of a dancer either
  • Sure look who he’s tellin’ Bernie
  • ‘No need to tell me love’ ses I, sure wasn’t I there when she fell on her arse trying to do Saturday night Fever at your wedding Jules
  • Ah jaysis remember that Ber. Poor Bridget
  • It just wasn’t her day was it
  • Well no, she falls on her arse in front of everyone and has to sit down for the rest of the night and then she gets to watch you dance to ‘More than a woman’ with her boyfriend, who you end up marrying, so I’m guessing it wasn’t the best day of her life
  • No wonder she hates me
  • Ah she doesn’t anymore. She’s mellowed since she married Nigel
  • Nigel is nice
  • Ray says he’s a banker
  • Ah I think he’s lovely
  • No, he’s a banker, like he works in the bank
  • Oh right, ha. Bridget will love that
  • Being married to a banker, she’ll be in her element
  • He’ll know how to behave when he’s in company you mean
  • Aww but did you see the face on her when he wrapped his tie around his head and did his Mick Jagger impression
  • Ah stop Julie, I nearly wet meself. She was mortified
  • ‘Noygelll, put your tie on there’s a dear’
  • I cant get noooooo…
  • …satissfaccctionnnnn
  • Go on the Nidgeee
  • Ah she went mad when you kept calling him Nidge Bernie
  • I know, why do you think I kept it up all day. Ah God love him, he was palatic by the end of the night
  • Not the only one. The state of our two with their air guitars
  • Jimmy and Ray, the Sultans of swing….jaysis help us
  • Ah hilarious Jules…’de boyz are back in towwwwn’
  • They really enjoyed themselves didn’t they
  • Ah Jimmy had a ball anyway…and we did have the last dance together
  • Yeah, I saw you two smooching. Ah he never lost it our Jimmy
  • My very own Tony Manero  haha
  • John Travolta eat your heart out, no sign of two left feet last night Ber. You’re teaching him well
  • Ah Jimmy loves nothing better than a good knees up with the family. It’s the only time I can get him on the dance floor. Sure listen, they’re at it again in the bar already
  • I knew I heard someone singing…for fuck sake, they’re not long after their breakfast
  • They never bleedin’ have enough
  • I saw Jimmy chatting to Bridgie at breakfast. He couldn’t get away from her, she had him pinned to the buffet
  • Probably telling him to keep his wife away from her husband
  • Well do you blame her Ber…I mean you do have form
  • Fuck off, I’m a happily married woman
  • Happily married to her ex
  • They were only dating for five minutes for fuck sake. I’ve had longer relationships with a bag of chips
  • Imagine she could have been my sister in law…jaysis
  • Ah you know she hadn’t a hope in hell once he met me Jules
  • True Bernie, Jimmy only ever had eyes for you
  • Ah bless him, he’s not a bad aul skin all the same
  • Get away out of that, you’re still mad about him too
  • Ah I am Julie, after all these years, I still am
  • Loves young dream
  • Not so young anymore, jaysis me bones are aching all over after all that dancing last night, and me feet are in bits
  • Mine too, I’ll never wear them shoes again. I’m getting too old for 6 inch heels Ber
  • Stop that we’ll never be too old for 6 inch heels
  • You’re right, sure we’ll probably have six inch heels on our zimmerframes when we’re ninety
  • If we reach ninety with the state of our livers
  • Speaking of which…d’ye fancy the hair of the dog Ber?
  • Does a bear shit in the woods Jules?
  • Come on, we may as well join them in the bar
  • …I can’t get noooooo
  • …Satisfactionnnnnnn

But I try…and I try  🙂