Knickers#AprilAtoZChallenge

K

 

  • What were you doing in my knicker drawer by the way?
  • What?
  • You said you saw my Bisto tin in my knicker drawer.
  • I was packing a bag for you.
  • Because you found my running away money?
  • No, because you were in hospital having the twins and you asked me to bring in more underwear.
  • Oh right.
  • Why do you think I was in your knicker drawer?
  • I don’t know.
  • Are you trying to insinuate something Bernie?
  • Calm down Jimmy, I know you’re not a cross dresser, and if you were, sure my knickers wouldn’t fit you.
  •  Not the ones you wore back then Bernie, they wouldn’t have fit the Michelin man.
  • Fuck off, you’ve some cheek. I’d just carried two of your children for eight and a half months, I was hardly going to be wearing lacy thongs.
  • I was only joking Bernie, stop being so sensitive.
  • You weren’t joking, you were saying I was fat.
  • I just said your knickers were a bit on the big side.
  • Well so were your jox. At least I had a reason for being fat. I was pregnant; what was your excuse?
  • Ah you’re getting personal now Bernie.
  • It hurts doesn’t it Jimmy?

That’ll teach him…cheeky bastard

 

 

 

 

Jimmy ( Running away)#AtoZChallenge

J

Does anyone else have a secret stash? Running away money we call it. Mine is in an old  Bisto Tin. My ma gave it to me before I got married. ‘But a few bob in there whenever you can. You never know the day or the hour you might need to get out Bernie’ she said to me.’And don’t tell him about it’ she said.’Why would I need to run away ma?’ ‘You never know what the future holds Bernie’ she said, ‘there’s many a woman who needed to get out of a bad marriage and couldn’t because her husband held the purse strings. Don’t ever get into that situation’. I knew I’d never need it, but after all these years, I still have my Bisto tin. But as for keeping it a secret, well I can’t hide much from my Jimmy. He came home one night and handed me a hundred euro.

  • What’s that for Jimmy?
  • Its for you. I got an extra few bob for selling some scrap metal.
  • So what will I do with it?
  • Do what you like. Buy yourself a new pair of shoes or something.
  • Thanks hon.
  • …or put it in that aul tin of yours.
  • What tin?
  • The one in your knicker drawer. Your Bisto tin.
  • Oh right, me savings box.
  • Your running away money.
  • Pardon? That’s me savings for the holidays.
  • Really? You never said you were saving for a holiday.
  • It was a surprise.
  • Some surprise, you’ve had it for the past twenty five years Bernie. Where are we going? The Bahamas? A world cruise?
  • There’s not that much in it.
  • I don’t imagine there is, sure haven’t you been dipping into it for years for presents and stuff for the kids.
  • How long have you known?
  • I’ve always known Bernie.
  • Why didn’t you say anything?
  • Nothing to say Bernie. Sure doesn’t every woman in Dublin have her running away money? Even me ma.
  • Lily had a Bisto tin?
  • No, she kept hers in an old handbag.
  • Did your da know?
  • Yeah, I think he put the odd few bob into it as well.
  • Was he trying to get her to run away quicker then?
  • Now, now, Bernie, I know you don’t get on with me ma but me da loved her, he knew she spent it all on us.
  • So are you trying to get rid of me then?
  • What do you mean?
  • You just gave me a hundred quid towards me running away fund.
  • You’re still here after twenty five years Bernie. If you were going anywhere, you’d be long gone by now.
  • True.
  • Go buy yourself a new pair of shoes, not runners but.
  • High heels it is then.

 

You can hide nothing from that fella…but hey, I forgot to ask him what he was doing in my knicker drawer…hmmmmm  🙂

bisto1

 

Girls aloud (Liverpool)#AprilAtoZ

G

Me and the girls emptied our Bisto tins and fecked off with our running away money…just for the weekend to Liverpool, we came back  like. ( We always come back…well, most of us, but that’s another story altogether)  I couldn’t wait to get away from everything; me ma, the kids, even Jimmy.  As usual, we booked the early morning flight,  but I was bloody knackered before I even got there.

  • Wake up Bernie, we’re here.
  • Jesus that was quick, I only fastened me seat belt five minutes ago.
  • Twenty actually.
  • I cant believe I fell asleep. Was I snoring?
  • You woke the pilot you were so loud.
  • Feck off you.
  • What has you so tired anyway?
  • Three hours sleep and a ride before the 4am alarm
  • Jesus, too much information Bernie.
  • Sorry hon, but I couldn’t let Jimmy go the whole weekend without a bit of how’s your father could I.
  • How do you do it Bernie?
  • I’ll draw you a diagram later hon.
  • You’re alright I think I remember how do do it…well vaguely.
  • Jaysis, has it been that long Pauline?
  • Shush Bernie, no need to tell the whole plane.
  • Calm down love, jesus now I know why you’re so uptight.
  • Excuse me?
  • Ehh, I’m only joking, now come on and grab them bags from the overhead locker, I’m gasping for a drink.
  • Well I tried waking you when the drinks trolley came around, but you wouldn’t budge.
  • You mean you actually had time for a drink?
  • There’s always time for a drink Bernie…even on a twenty minute flight.
  • Well hurry up, I obviously need to catch up with you lot then….come on girls…woop woop…

I love a Liverpool weekender, and I love me pals even more.

I told you we came back 😉