You only live once #AtoZChallenge

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  • What’s with  the  spinning around the kitchen in your nightdress Bernie?
  • I’m practicing
  • For what?
  • I’ve signed up for a new class with Julie
  • What class needs  leg warmers and sweat bands?All you’re short of is a pair of skates
  • Roller blades Jimmy, no one skates anymore
  • Don’t tell me you’re taking up roller blading?
  • Give over Jimmy, can you see me roller blading down the avenue?
  • Hmmmmm…that’s not what Koko said
  • I’ll bleedin’ kill her…
  • You were like a bag of cats the other day, moaning about your weight and now you’re all spinny and happy,what’s happened to change your mind?
  • I just realized how lucky I am
  • Sure haven’t I been telling you that since you married me
  • Feck off Jimmy
  • You hate it when I’m right Bernie
  • No I don’t…well actually yeah I do but that’s beside the point
  • So what IS your point then?
  • We’re both very lucky Jim; We have a lovely home, a lovely family…well mostly lovely, when they’re not getting on me nerves like. We’re not short of a few bob. We don’t have much to complain about
  • Except you and your bloody diet
  • I’ve a pain in me hoop with bloody dieting
  • Does this mean you’re…sorry WE’RE ditching the diet?
  • Yeah. I never really stuck to it anyway Jimmy…and don’t mention the Big Mac!
  • I wasn’t going to say anything, I’m just delighted you’ve come to your senses at last
  • This doesn’t mean we’ll be eating shite all the time now Jimmy. We’re also lucky to be reasonably healthy, and I want to keep it that way. You only live once and life is too short to be miserable
  • And you’ve been miserable for weeks Bernie
  • So have you!
  • Only because of the rabbit food you were making me eat
  • No more rabbit food
  • Deadly; but you’re right, we are lucky, we have more than a lot of people
  • And we have each other ….big arses and all…
  • Here you, speak for yourself, there’s nothing wrong with my arse
  • I’m sure I’ll see worse tomorrow
  • I haven’t a scoobie what your on about Ber
  • My new class…with Julie. Do you be even listening to me Jimmy?
  • I’m too hungry Ber. Here, I’ll make us a fry up to celebrate the end of the diet. I’d eat a cows arse through a hedge at this moment
  • Maybe just a few rashers for me Jimmy
  • No sausage?
  • Ah go on so,  sure I can work it off, but use the grill… no more fry ups Jimmy
  • I knew it was too good to be true…

 

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Under Pressure #AtoZChallenge

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  • Hey Ber
  • Hey Julie
  • What’s up with you? You’ve a face on you like a slapped arse
  • Don’t you start
  • What? I’m only joking
  • Well I’m sick of people passing comment
  • Like who?
  • Everyone
  • What are they saying?
  • That I’m a boring shite
  • Who said that? Cheeky fuckers
  • Tina
  • Ah don’t mind her, she’d hardly Mrs fun factory herself is she. When  did she say this?
  • The other night when I wouldn’t go to the pub
  • You wouldn’t go to the pub? Jaysis, that’s serious shit Ber
  • See you’re at it now!
  • Sorry Ber, I’m only buzzin’ with you
  • Tina said all I talk about is my weight
  • Well, to be fair Bernie…
  • Don’t you start
  • Jaysis, keep your knickers on
  • My big fat Bridget Jones knickers you mean?
  • Don’t exaggerate
  • I’m not exaggerating. I’m pissed off being fat
  • You are not fat, anyway haven’t you lost a few pounds?
  • Four
  • That’s brilliant.
  • Yeah it is isn’t it, but I had a rasher sandwich yesterday so I’d say they’re back on
  • Stop the lights, Bernie had a sandwich!
  • Fuck off Julie. I’m raging with myself
  • Did you enjoy it?
  • Yeah it was gorgeous, even nicer than the Big Mac
  • Well then it was worth it so…wait a minute..a Big Mac? When..
  • …Don’t even ask Julie; then there were all the Easter eggs remember?
  • Whatever Bernie. Look today is a new day so forget the rashers and big macs and chocolate and move on. You’re putting yourself under too much pressure, all for the sake of a few pounds
  • I’ve no willpower
  • You’re doing great but you do need to lighten up and stop counting the calories in every bloody thing you pick up
  • I can’t help it. Tina said I’m obsessed
  • You are a bit
  • I suppose I am, I nearly ate the head off her
  • Jesus, you must’ve been hungry
  • Starving

😩😩😩

 

eating