• I got a call from the agency, Jimmy.
• What agency would that be,Bernie?
• The casting agency of course, what other agency would it be?
• Well the way you’ve been nosing behind those net curtains for the past month, I wouldn’t be surprised if it was the FBI or Scotland yard looking for your expertise on absconded wives and insurance fraudsters.
• I’ll be an absconded wife if you keep annoying me.
• So, what’s it to be this time? Prime suspect? You’d give Helen Mirren a run for her money.
• Leave it out Jimmy
• Well to be fair, it’s been like living in midsomer here lately with all the goings on over the road.
• Don’t exaggerate.
• Well, more like Happy Valley Really.
• You watch too much telly.
• So, will I be seeing you on the box then?
• It’s only an audition, I didn’t get it yet.
• It’s Desperate Housewives isn’t it?
• Stop it Jimmy, I’m warning you.
• I’m only messing, Ber. What is it? Should Meryl be worried?
• It’s only for an ad.
• What’s the ad for?
• I’m not telling you.
• Why not?
• You’ll only take the piss.
• I won’t.
• You will.
• I bloody wont.
• Swear?
• I swear.
• It’s for Specsavers.
• You’ll get that no bother, glasses suit you.
• Do you think?
• Of course, but…
• But what?
• I prefer you without your glasses on.
• Well that’s good, because I prefer you without my glasses on too, Jimmy.
• Ah now, there’s no need for that.

He’s not the only one who can take the piss…