• What are you doing,Jimmy?
• What does it look like I’m doing? I’m putting the lights on the tree.
• They don’t go on that way.
• What way?
• Round and round.
• And what other way would they go?
• Up and down.
• We never put them up and down. We always go round and round.
• I put them up and down last year.
• I don’t remember that.
• You weren’t here.
• Where was I?
• You were at your works Christmas party with the lads. Me and Kylie put the tree up.
• And I suppose it was Kylies idea to go up and down.
• Well yeah, but it was lovely. You said it was lovely.
• Did I?
• Yeah, but you were jarred when you said it.
• Well, we’ll just do it the old way this year.
• No, I want them up and down.
• Away you go so. Here, take them.
• Are you not going to help me?
• I wouldn’t like to interfere with your new decor ideas.
• Stop being a child.
• I’m not being a child. I’m just putting up the tree like you asked me to.
• Right go on then.
• No, no, no, no. Far be it from me to interfere.
• I can’t reach the top.
• I’ll get a chair for you to stand on.
• You’re getting on my nerves now.
• Because I’m letting you put the lights on your way?
• You’re letting me?
• You know what I mean. We’re not doing it the way I was going to. the way we always do.
• Grow up, Jimmy.
• You grow up.
• I’m not the one moaning over Christmas tree lights.
• Aren’t you?
• Oh shut up and put the lights on.
• Bottom to top or top to bottom?
• Top to bottom I suppose.
• Best if you go bottom to top, then the plug is nearer the socket.
• Good idea.
• I do have them sometimes.
• If you don’t like it when they’re on, we can take them off and do it the old way.
• Not on your Nelly. When these lights go on, they’re staying on ’til January. I’m not doing it twice.
• Grand, but they’ll look great.
• They can look like Rudolphs arse for all I care.
• Listen to the Christmas Grinch.
• It’s because I’m green isn’t it?
• A hangover will do that to you.

Roll on January 🙄