Retirement

~ Diary of a Dublin housewife
  • Men!
  • And hello to you too Lynn.
  • Howya Bernie.
  • Whats up?
  • Him.
  • What’s wrong now?
  • He’s getting on my nerves.
  • I’ll put the kettle on.
  • Why did he have to retire?
  • Well, in fairness, he’s been working since he was fourteen, Lynn.
  • I know, but I can’t take much more of it. It’s like when he was laid off in the 80’s, only worse
  • How is it worse?
  • In the eighties I knew he’d eventually get another job, but now, this is it. He’s going nowhere.
  • I thought you’d be off gallivanting, enjoying yourself together.
  • We did, but then we had to come home.
  • Has he no hobbies?
  • Drinking and judge Judy, thankfully not at the same time.
  • Would he not join the men’s shed?
  • He said that’s for aul fellas with nothing better to do, and I said, ‘well you’re an aulfella with nothing better to do’.
  • Ouch, how did that go down?
  • He was raging, said he had loads to do, so I said ‘go on then.’
  • So what did he do?
  • He mowed the lawn.
  • That’s something.
  • Then he came in and put on Judge Judy. I left him to it.
  • Maybe you could get a job?
  • Feck off. I spent enough years cleaning other peoples toilets. I’m not going back to that.
  • You could do something else.
  • Like what?
  • A course or something, flower arranging or crochet?
  • Are you looking for a dig, Bernie Rose Violet?
  • Sorry, I’m only trying to help.
  • Well, telling me to join a knitting club isn’t very helpful.
  • There’s yoga for the elderly in the club of a Wednesday morning.
  • I’m warning you, Bernie!
  • I’m running out of ideas here, Lynn.
  • I don’t know why some women moan about their husband’s playing golf.
  • Would he not start?
  • No, he’s not bothered, fuck sake.
  • Aww, are things that bad?
  • Ah no, not really, I’m just fed up today and the weather isn’t helping.
  • I know, you’d be sick of the bloody rain. Summer how are ye?
  • I’d be delighted to see him feck off with his clubs a few times a week, all the same.
  • So retirement isn’t suiting him then?
  • Oh, it’s suiting him down to the ground, it’s me it’s not suiting. I don’t get a minute to meself.
  • How come?
  • He’s just you know, always there.
  • I know what you mean.
  • How do you put up with Jimmy all day?
  • He has his own sitting room and a set of headphones.
  • What’s great about that?
  • I don’t have to listen to judge Judy.

11 thoughts on “Retirement”

  6. Hi Bernie…. Heaven help us all! I hate that program Judge Judy it drives me nuts!

    It’s great to see you about again! I am on a short break at the moment but will be back soon 💜💜💜

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