Jimmy ( Running away)#AtoZChallenge

J

Does anyone else have a secret stash? Running away money we call it. Mine is in an old  Bisto Tin. My ma gave it to me before I got married. ‘But a few bob in there whenever you can. You never know the day or the hour you might need to get out Bernie’ she said to me.’And don’t tell him about it’ she said.’Why would I need to run away ma?’ ‘You never know what the future holds Bernie’ she said, ‘there’s many a woman who needed to get out of a bad marriage and couldn’t because her husband held the purse strings. Don’t ever get into that situation’. I knew I’d never need it, but after all these years, I still have my Bisto tin. But as for keeping it a secret, well I can’t hide much from my Jimmy. He came home one night and handed me a hundred euro.

  • What’s that for Jimmy?
  • Its for you. I got an extra few bob for selling some scrap metal.
  • So what will I do with it?
  • Do what you like. Buy yourself a new pair of shoes or something.
  • Thanks hon.
  • …or put it in that aul tin of yours.
  • What tin?
  • The one in your knicker drawer. Your Bisto tin.
  • Oh right, me savings box.
  • Your running away money.
  • Pardon? That’s me savings for the holidays.
  • Really? You never said you were saving for a holiday.
  • It was a surprise.
  • Some surprise, you’ve had it for the past twenty five years Bernie. Where are we going? The Bahamas? A world cruise?
  • There’s not that much in it.
  • I don’t imagine there is, sure haven’t you been dipping into it for years for presents and stuff for the kids.
  • How long have you known?
  • I’ve always known Bernie.
  • Why didn’t you say anything?
  • Nothing to say Bernie. Sure doesn’t every woman in Dublin have her running away money? Even me ma.
  • Lily had a Bisto tin?
  • No, she kept hers in an old handbag.
  • Did your da know?
  • Yeah, I think he put the odd few bob into it as well.
  • Was he trying to get her to run away quicker then?
  • Now, now, Bernie, I know you don’t get on with me ma but me da loved her, he knew she spent it all on us.
  • So are you trying to get rid of me then?
  • What do you mean?
  • You just gave me a hundred quid towards me running away fund.
  • You’re still here after twenty five years Bernie. If you were going anywhere, you’d be long gone by now.
  • True.
  • Go buy yourself a new pair of shoes, not runners but.
  • High heels it is then.

 

You can hide nothing from that fella…but hey, I forgot to ask him what he was doing in my knicker drawer…hmmmmm  🙂

bisto1

 

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Russian Roulette

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Jimmy is very down in the dumps since Ireland were beaten by Denmark on Tuesday night. His world cup dream trip to Russia is not to be and he’s not at all pleased…

  • Cancel that Credit Union loan will you Bernie
  • Why?
  • Well, Russia is off now isn’t it
  • Shocking result Jimmy
  • Not really, even me granny lighting a candle wasn’t going to win that match for us
  • Sad all the same but sure we’ll take the loan anyway
  • But what’s the point Bernie?
  • I’d like to go somewhere next year
  • Like where?
  • Anywhere Jimmy; Spain, Portugal, Greece, the Bahamas. A couple of weeks in the sun would be lovely
  • Ah Bernie, you know I hate that two weeks in the sun shite
  • Eh hello…you didn’t say that when you fecked off to France for the Euros last year
  • That was different
  • It’s always different with you isn’t it? And how long were you planning on staying in Russia?
  • That wasn’t a holiday
  • Well what the fuck was it if it wasn’t a holiday?
  • It’s more of a pilgrimage Bernie
  • Lourdes is a pilgrimage; Medjugorge  is a pilgrimage…Russia for the world cup is not a bleedin’ pilgrimage. It’s a piss up every night with your mates while you trail around the country after a football team
  • It’s called supporting your country Bernie
  • It’s called taking liberties Jimmy, and what about supporting your wife?
  • I do support my wife. When did I ever leave you short?
  • I’m not talking about money Jimmy as well you know
  • Well we didn’t get through, Russia is off so there’s no point going on about it
  • All I said was, lets go on a holiday together seeing as you won’t be going to Russia
  • I’ll think about it
  • You’ll think about it? Is that what you said to your mates when they were planning the world cup trip? ‘I’ll think about it?’
  • What was there to think about Bernie?
  • Yeah too right, you were on to Trip Adviser checking flights to Moscow and Vladivostok before Ireland even qualified
  •  Vladivostok?
  • Yeah, that’s in Russia … isn’t it?
  • Yeah but none of the football venues are there
  • Look Jimmy I’m not an expert on Russian geography or football venues, but I do know where there’s a lovely hotel on the beach in Lanzarote , now are we going to go or not?
  • Do I have a choice?
  • I’m not holding a gun to your head Jimmy
  • Oh go on so…anywhere but Russia …or Denmark
  •  I’ll just go check Trip Adviser
  • You don’t waste any time do you?
  • Wasting time is robbing oneself
  • What?
  • Old Russian proverb Jimmy
  • I have an Irish one for you
  • What?
  • As much as I may drink tonight I will still be thirsty tomorrow
  • You’re off to the pub then?
  • Got it in one Bernie
  • I might join you later for a black russian

Every cloud does have a silver ling but doesn’t it?  😉

 

 

Viva Espana

V

Getting ready to go on Holiday is bad enough without Jimmy annoying me.

  • Tickets, passports,money,Suncream, sunglasses, umberella…
  • Why are you bringing an umberella?
  • It might rain
  • In Santa Ponsa?
  • It rains in Spain
  • In July?
  • It might
  • You’re mad Bernie
  • I must be, I married you Jimmy
  • Have you got everything?
  • I’ve a feeling I’m forgetting something
  • Well the kitchen sink is in your suitcase so I doubt it
  • No, but I’ve got that feeling Jimmy
  • You and your feelings Bernie
  • I’ll just check me list
  • You’ve checked it three times already
  • Well now I’m checking it four times
  • The taxi will be here in a minute
  • Have you got the passports and tickets Jimmy?
  • Right here in my pocket
  • Where’s the plastic bag for liquids?
  • In your bag
  • Have we enough money?
  • Loads of money
  • Lovely Jubbly
  • There’s the taxi outside now
  • I still think we’re forgetting something
  • We’re forgetting nothing will you get out for fuck sake
  • You bring the suitcases, I’ll lock the door
  • Olé olé olé olé
  • Santa Ponsa here we come
  • Viva Espana
  • I can’t wait Jimmy. A whole week of sea sand and…
  • Steady on Bernie
  • I was going to say sangria, ye dirty fecker
  • Yeah right
  • Shurrup and get in the taxi will ye
  • Here we go, airport please Mr. taxi man
  • At last
  • Hang on…stop, stop
  • Ah jasus, what’s up now Jimmy?
  • I forgot me jacket
  • You won’t need it
  • Says the woman with the bleedin’ umbrella in her bag
  • I’ll buy you a new  jacket in the market
  • I need that one
  • Why?
  • Because the passports and tickets are in the pocket
  • For fuck sake Jimmy, you’re an awful gobshite