The Epiphany

xmas decos

  • Oh hello Bernie
  • Howya Mrs. Flynn.Come on in, I just have the kettle boiled
  • I was just checking that there was nothing wrong
  • Everything is grand. Why do you ask?
  • Well I  haven’t seen you around for a while  and then today I was just passing and noticed you still have your Christmas tree up
  •  Yeah, it’s lovely isn’t it?
  • It’s the middle of January Bernie
  • And?
  • And what?
  • Your tree should be down
  • Who said?
  • Christmas is over, no one needs to say it
  • Well why did you have yours up in November then?
  • I like to have mine up early
  • Well maybe I like to have mine up late
  • It’s not Christmas anymore  Bernie
  • November is not Christmas either Mrs. Flynn
  • Before Christmas is different
  • How?
  • Because, it’s nice to get in the mood early
  • Well maybe I’m still in the mood
  • In January?
  • Yeah, in January
  • It’s bad luck to leave your decorations up after January 6th
  • Who said
  • Everyone knows you should take your decorations down the day after twelfth night
  • That’s only an old wives tale
  • It’s not. It’s tradition to take it down on the epiphany
  • So is it not bad luck to put your decorations up the day after Hallowe’en then?
  • I don’t think so?
  • That’s more than twelve nights. Why should you get more nights than me. I only put mine up the week before Christmas
  • It’s nothing to do with the amount of nights
  • Well what are you on about then?
  • I just think it’s ridiculous still having your tree still up on the 14th of January
  • Well I think it’s ridiculous to have your tree up on the 1st of November
  • So how long do you intend leaving it up then?
  • I’ve just had an epiphany of my own Mrs. Flynn
  • What’s that?
  • I think I’ll leave it up until next year. It would save me a lot of hassle wouldn’t it?
  • Are you serious?
  • Yeah totally. Excuse me for a minute will you Mrs.Flynn, I just need to tell himself…JIMMY, PUT THEM BOXES BACK IN THE ATTIC, I’M LEAVING THE DECORATIONS UP ‘TIL NEXT CHRISTMAS
  • That’s just madness Bernie
  • So I’m a bit mad, what else is new? D’ye want a mince pie with that tea Mrs. Flynn? They’re only out of the oven.
  • Really?
  • No, I’m only buzzin’ with you, I bought them in Aldi.

( I told Jimmy to take down that fucking tree before we went to Lanzarote)

Door knobs and Broomsticks

Jimmy hates Hallowe’en so I knew when we were invited to the party last Saturday he wouldn’t go. Ye can’t blame a girl for tryin’ but can ye?


Are you dressin’ up for this party or wha’ Jimmy?

I am in me hole Bernie.

But it’s a fancy dress party Jimmy, you have to.

I said I’m not dressin’ up, end of story.

You’re such a dry shite sometimes Jimmy Violet.

What? ‘Cos I won’t put on a bleedin’ mask or wear a woman’s dress?

You don’t have to wear a mask, although it would be an improvement.

Very funny Bernie, you’re bleedin’ hilarious.

It’s only a bit of fun, why can’t ye dress up?

Dressin’ up is for kids

Well you’re a big kid at the best of times so what’s the big deal?

I said I’m not dressin’ up and makin’ a gobshite out of meself  Bernie, now leave it out will ye.

You’d make a great dracula Jimmy.

What makes you say that Bernie?

Because you’re such a pain in the bleedin’ neck.

I’ll just go to the pub then and you can  go to the party without me.

Stop bein’ such a bleedin’ spoon Jimmy,everyone will be asking where you are.

Just tell them I’m at the bar

But they’ll see you’re not at the bar

Tell them I’m dressed up as the Invisible Man then.

Even your brother is dressin’ up

Anto? Sure that fella is nuttier than a squirrels shite.

No. Ray I mean. He’s goin’ as an American football player.

Fair balls to him

Are you really not comin’?

No, but I’ll give you a lift as far as Julies. We can’t have you walkin’ down the road frightenin’ all the kids can we?

I’m not gettin’ dressed up until I get to Julies.

I know Bernie.

Fuck off Jimmy. I’ll make me own way.

Grand. I’ll just get your broomstick from under the stairs for ye.

You’re such a door knob Jimmy Violet.