Line Dancing #AtoZChallenge

L

Alice next door  goes to the community centre up the road five days a week.  She does loads of stuff like, chair aerobics, (don’t ask), Pilates, flower arranging and tai chi. I don’t know where she gets her energy from. Someone (Jimmy big mouth) told her I was trying to keep fit so she invited me along. I didn’t like to say no, she’s been very lonely since her pal  Doris passed away.

  • Are you ready Bernadette?
  • As I’ll ever be Alice. Oh are you driving? I thought we were going to walk
  • Ah sure won’t we get enough exercise down there , I’ll be too tired to walk back
  • So what’s on today ?
  • Line dancing
  • Line dancing?
  • Ah Alice, I don’t think so
  • Come on, it’s great. You’ll love it. Me and Doris go, sorry…we used to go every week
  • You must miss her something terrible
  • I do Bernadette, she was my best friend for over forty years. I still can’t believe she’s gone. This is my first class since she died
  • Awww Alice…
  • I didn’t like going on my own, but when Jimmy told me you’d love to go it gave me the boost I needed to get back.
  • That was very thoughtful of him alright (I’ll bleedin’ kill him)
  • It’s great exercise Bernie. It’ll do you the power of good
  • I’m not a big fan of country and western Alice, but sure I’ll give it a go
  • Good girl… and sure who doesn’t love Nathan Carter?
  • Who’s Nathan Carter?
  • Ah Bernie, you’re a gas ticket. ‘Who’s Nathan Carter?’ You crack me up sometimes

Two hours later…I’m sweating, I’m starving and had to listen to ‘Rock me mama like a wagon wheel’ at least half a dozen times. I swear I could eat a full packet of them now 😱😱😱

 

wagon wheel

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Keto, Koko and the Kardashians #AtoZChallenge

K

  • Ma, you should do that Keto diet
  • What’s that when it’s at home Koko?
  • You’re allowed eat loads of chocolate and cheese and cream and all the high in fat stuff
  • You’re making this up
  • I am not. The Kardashians swear by it
  • Oh well if the Kardashians swear by it, it must be great so
  • Don’t be sarcastic ma. I’m trying to help you here
  • I’m sorry love but, you never shut up about them bleedin’ Kardashian shower
  • Well, look at their bodies, it’s obviously working
  • The fat is obviously travelling down to their arses…which is where I want to get rid of it
  • They’re implants ma, don’t be stupid
  • Well, excuse me
  • So what does this diet involve then?
  • It’s low carb, high fat; something to do with turning fat into ketones
  • It’s all double dutch to me Koko
  • Basically, your fat is burned quicker so you lose weight quicker
  • What’s the catch?
  • No catch, you eat more fats that carbohydrates
  • So no potatoes or pasta then?
  • Well, I think you can eat some, but not as much
  • I suppose it’s worth a go
  • I’ll do it with you ma
  • There’s not a pick on you as it is Koko
  • It’s healthy as well ma. You’re always telling me to stop eating shite
  •  I’ll make a shopping list
  • Don’t forget the chocolate ma
  • Jaysis, it doesn’t sound too healthy to me
  • Oh, and you still have to excercise
  • I knew there was a catch!

Jumping jacks and sweaty backs #AtoZchallenge

J

  • Heya Maro
  • Hey Bernie.Where have you been? And what’s with the headband?You look like an extra from Fame
  • I was at the gym
  • You! Joined a gym? Seriously Bernie?
  • Well, not exactly joined
  • You either joined or you didn’t
  • Well,I went for a free trial, Just to see if I like it
  • And?
  • I didn’t like it
  • What didn’t you like?
  • They were all doing crunches and lifts and step aerobics, and kettle bell yokes
  • What did you think they’d be doing in a gym?
  • A bit of stretching, few jumping jacks, gentle aerobics
  • It’s a gym, not kindergarten playtime Bernie, and is there even such a thing as gentle aerobics?
  •  I gave the aerobics a miss, I wasn’t able.The sweat is dripping down me back and I only did a lap of the gym and ten minutes on the bike,
  • So, waste of a headband then
  • Not necessarily
  • Go on, tell me, what are you up to next?
  • You’ll have to wait and see Maro
  • Heaven help us

Itsy Bitsy teeny weeny yellow polka dot bikini #AtoZchallenge

I

I went shopping today with Julie to take my mind off the diet but easier said than done…

  • So what are you buying today Ber?
  • I need a new swimsuit
  • Lets go over to Penneys so. Their bikinis are only a fiver. We can get one in every colour
  • I won’t be wearing a bikini this year Julie
  • Why not?
  • I’d clear the beach in five seconds flat if I wore one of them
  • Don’t exaggerate Bernie
  • I’m not exaggerating, anyway, I think I’m too old now for bikinis. I might look in Arnotts for a one piece
  • A one piece? You? Who are you? Your ma?
  • We’re not teenagers anymore Julie. We need to start covering up
  • Oh my god;you are your ma
  • Ask me hoop Julie
  • Come on…Arnotts it is so…
  • We’re only looking anyway
  • Look at this one Bernie. It’s like the ones we had when we went to Lloret de Maryellow bikini
  • That was 1980, and if I remember, ours didn’t cover as much as that Julie
  • Me da, lord rest him nearly had a conniption when he saw it going into me suitcase. ‘You’ll be arrested going out in that’ says he
  • We’d be arrested if we went out in that now Julie…and not for the same reasons.
  • Dental floss, he called it, but we thought were only gorgeous
  • We were gorgeous Julie. We hadn’t a pick on us back then
  • We’re not so bad now Bernie, towards some of the eyebecks we’ve seen on the beach
  • I suppose you’re right Julie, anyway, a few more weeks of starvation and we’ll fit into that no problem
  • That’s the spirit Bernie. Do you want to go in and try it on?
  • Let’s wait a while Julie, I’ve along way to go yet

 

At least I have something to motivate me now  😉

 

 

Health is wealth #AtoZChallenge

H

Day seven of my non diet and I’m afraid to stand on the scales. I went around to me mas to get away from all the Easter chocolate in my gaff…

  • A diet? A diet? You’re on a diet?
  • Don’t keep saying it ma
  • Why are you on a diet?
  • Just for the craic, why do you think?
  • You don’t need to lose weight Bernie
  • Me arse is the size of Galway Bay ma
  • Indeed it’s not, who told you that?
  • No one, I have a mirror
  • Well, you need to get a new mirror. Turn around and let me see
  • Can you not see it from there ma?
  • Wait until I put me glasses on
  • You don’t need glasses to see my arse
  • I think you’re just buying the wrong clothes Bernie
  • What do you mean?
  • The pockets on them jeans aren’t very flattering, they just draw your eye to the area
  • So you admit my arse looks huge
  • It’s not actually huge, but…
  • Jesus thanks ma
  • Look aren’t you healthy? That’s the main thing
  • Yeah, I feel great, you’ve made me feel soooooo much better ma
  • Your health is your wealth Bernie
  • I’d rather be healthy with a smaller arse
  • Don’t be silly Bernie, now go put the kettle on and I’ll open one of my Easter eggs.
  • Jaysis, is there no end to the bleedin’ Easter Eggs? Easter was a week ago and the eggs are everywhere, it’s like they’re following me
  • I thought you loved chocolate Bernie
  • Yeah I do ma, that’s the problem. I came here to get away from it. I thought yours would be all gone
  • Ah no, I still have eight left
  • Eight? Jaysis how many did you get?
  • Twelve. All the grand kids bought me one, and the gays bought me one, and Leonard bought me one, and….
  • Ok. Ok. I get the picture ma
  • Come on Bernie, a little bit won’t do you any harm
  • So everyone keeps saying, but try telling that to my backside ma

 

I’m not going near her again until all them eggs are eaten

 

 

 

Meet and Greet: 4/6/18

Meet and greet my blogger friends #atoz #Aprilatozbloggingchallenge
#drembigdreamoften

Dream Big, Dream Often

 

It’s time for the Meet and Greet weekend everyone!!  Strap on your party shoes and join the fun!  

Ok so here are the rules:

  1. Leave a link to your page or post in the comments of this post.
  2. Reblog this post.  It helps you, it helps me, it helps everyone!
  3. Edit your reblog post and add tags.
  4. Feel free to leave your link multiple times!  It is okay to update your link for more exposure every day if you want.  It is up to you!

  5. Share this post on social media.  Many of my non-blogger friends love that I put the Meet n Greet on Facebook and Twitter because they find new blogs to follow.

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Gourmet grub #AtoZChallenge

G 2018

  • Me and Jimmy went out for a meal last night.
  • Lovely. Where did you go
  • That new Italian place in the village…Gourmet grub my arse
  • That bad was it?
  • It was my first time out since I started my diet.
  • So what was the problem?
  • They tried charging us twelve euro for a bowl of lettuce
  •  Jesus, you’re really taking this diet seriously… a bowl of lettuce?
  • I ordered a Caesar salad, and they gave me a bowl of lettuce with four croutons, not a sign of a bit of bacon or dressing
  • That’s shocking, did you pay them?
  • I did in me hole Julie
  • So what did you do?
  • I complained to the manager. She said they’ve been using the same recipe for years and have never received one complaint
  • They have a recipe for mixing lettuce with croutons?
  • Who knew?
  • So what happened?
  • She apologised and offered to get me another one. ‘No thanks’ says I, ‘one head of lettuce a night is more than enough for me’
  • So what did you have?
  • A large glass of Merlot…on the house
  • That’s the least they could do, but what did you eat?
  • Fish and chips
  • So the chef could actually cook then?
  • I wouldn’t know; I got it in the Borza on the way home from the pub
  • So the diet is off then…again?
  • Just until tomorrow Julie

 

caesar salad