So, I’m back. It’s been a long time and a lot has happened since 2018, and if New Years day was anything to go by, I’m in for a rough ride in 2019. The year started off in me mas…
I had the mother of all hangovers after the New Years Eve celebrations. We had a great night with all the gang, we drank and sang;we rang in the bells at twelve and it should have ended there, but I couldn’t go home after the pub like a normal person could I? Oh no, Bernie had to go to a party afterwards, even though she knew she’d to look after her ma the next day.
I barely made it in her front door to the kitchen sink when she was shouting down the stairs…
- Bernie. Is that you?
- What are you doing down there?
- Nothing, I’ll be up in a minute
- Are you getting sick?
- I’m coming. I’m coming.
How the hell did she hear me puking? She can hardly hear me talking when I’m standing right next to her. Well, so she claims anyway.
- Hiya ma.
- Holy mother of the divine lord, what’s wrong with you? You’re like death warmed up.
- I think I got food poisoning ma.
- You didn’t reheat that turkey again did you? What did I tell you about that?
- What was left of my turkey went in the bin last week ma.
- So what was it then?
- Prawns, I think.
- Why do you be eating that foreign muck? No wonder you’re sick.
- Prawns aren’t foreign ma.
- I never cooked a prawn in me life and I’ve never had food poisoning. You always have to be different, Bernie.
- What’s so different from a DUBLIN BAY prawn?
- It’s far from seafood you were reared. I don’t know where you got these notions from.
- Look ma, I’m not feeling too good, so can you stop with the lecture please.
- Did you vomit into my kitchen sink?
- I’ll clean it up.
- Jesus Mary and holy saint Joseph, Bernie. How old are you?If one of the kids did that you’d kill them.
- I din’t do it on purpose ma.
- You should have stayed at home if you’re sick.
- I wish I could have ma but there was no one else to come to you today.
- If Bernard was here, he’d have come.
- Well, Saint Bernard sunning his arse beside a pool in Lanzarote, with a beer in his hand so I’m sorry, but you’re stuck with me. Now, I need a cup of tea, do you want one?
- I’d better not, Bernie. I wouldn’t want to catch anything.
- You can’t catch food poisoning ma.
- Well, I’d better not all the same.
- Right you are, ma. call me if you change your mind.
She did change her mind of course; She wouldn’t get out of the bed and she had me running up and down the stairs all day with snacks and drinks, with not a thought for me not being very well.
If she only knew I was sick from drink, I’d never hear the end of it.
Happy New Years my arse.