Me pal Lynn persuaded me to go see a medium who was doing open readings in a pub. We got free tickets so I went along for the craic. Ma was dying to know all about it

• I’m surprised you went to see a medium Bernie
• Lynn asked me to go with her
• So, how did it go?
• It was a pile of shite to be honest ma
• You’re just a skeptic Bernie, always were; always will
• Lynn was hoping her da would get in touch
• And did he?
• No, of course he didn’t. It’s all a con
• Well why did you go then?
• Free tickets and a few pints, how could I refuse?
• Fair enough, so  did anyone come to you from the other side then
• Sure who’d come to me?
• Your da maybe
• We were in the Abberly Court ma. Da wouldn’t go there when he was alive, he’s hardly going to go when he’s dead now is he?
• Fair enough, but what about your pal Sandra?
• Not a sign of her ma
• Aww, that’s a pity. You and her were so close Bernie
• I still miss her
• So maybe you were hoping she’d come through Bernie
• I’d have been shocked if Sandra had come
• Why?
• I told you it was in the  Abberly  ma
• So?
• So…Sandra always said she wouldn’t be caught dead in that kip
• I went to see a medium after your daddy died
• Did you ma
•  She told me he had difficulty breathing towards the end
• Jaysis ma, what did you say to her?
• ‘Obviously love’, says I to her…’he was fuckin’ dying. Everyone has difficulty breathing when they’re dying’
• I bet she didn’t like that ma
• No she didn’t
• That one last night told  some poor woman her husband was very happy now since he passed, and the woman wasn’t a bit pleased
• Why not?
• ‘And why wouldn’ Anto be happy? fecking off leaving me with a load of bills and no mortgage protection’ she said ‘and tell him from me he’s a fucking bastard’
• And did the husband answer her?
• I dunno ma, I finished me drink and went to the pub next door to wait for Lynn who was still waiting to hear from her da
• Why did you leave?
• Because, I agree with me da and Sandra, the place is a kip, and I had a few visions of me own so I thought it best to leave early
• What visions Bernie?
• Visions of giving that so called medium a slap in the head ma…