So the entire house was struck down with this winter flu bug. Christmas came and went in a fog of coughs and fevers . It’s like it never even happened. The Christmas tree only came down yesterday and I feel like Santa hasn’t even arrived yet. Today was my first day out. I was going stir crazy in the house so I walked to Spar to get some more  Lemsips. Madonna O’Reilly’s daughter was serving behind the counter

• Ah hello Mrs. Violet, how are you?
• There y’are Mandy. I didn’t know you worked here
• I only started last week. Me ma knows the owner, she got me in ’cause I wasn’t arsed going back to school
• How is Mad Mary?
• Who?
• Your ma…Our Kylie always called her Mad Mary
• Why
• MADonna Mary…
• Oh yeah, ha good one Mrs. Violet. Me da just calls her Donna, but yeah you’re right she is a bit mad alright. So, what can I get for you?
•  A large packet of Lemsips please. We’re all at the tail end of that Aussie flu
• You do look a bit rough alright
• Thanks Mandy
• Ah you usually look fab, it’s that flu, it’s killing us
• Tell me about it. I feel as if I’ve done ten rounds with Conor McGregor
• Everyone seems to have caught it. They’re dropping like flies up me mas estate, and you know I don’t think any of them have been to Australia recently. Me ma thinks it’s in the water
• Is that right?
• Why do we always get other countries diseases ?
• What do you mean?
• Well last year it was Hong Kong flu. This year it’s Australian flu. I hope they find a cure for it, not like that man flu. My granny says that’s incurable, isn’t that shocking?
• Nothing shocks me anymore Mandy
• You know,when I was small I had German measles. My ma  said she’s never been to Germany in her life. She doesn’t know how I picked it up
• But…
• Then there’s that Impetigo
• That’s a skin rash Mand
• Yeah from Impitego…that’s in Brazil or one of them countries isn’t it?
• Did you say you weren’t going back to school love?
• Yeah, sure I was learning nothing.
• You don’t say?
• School of life for me now Mrs. V. Just like me ma
• Are you a natural blonde like your ma aswell Mandy?
• I am, why do you ask?
• Oh no reason
• Well to be fair me ma does have a few highlights
• What are they Mandy…A few vodkas and karaoke of a Saturday night?…haha
• No, she has highlights in her hair I meant
• Oh I know what you meant. Here…give us a packet of paracetamol with them Lemsips  please
• Aw have you got a headache Mrs. V?
• I’m getting one Mandy…I’m getting one

Did you ever wish you’d just stayed in bed?