Hypochondriac #AtoZChallenge

~ Diary of a Dublin housewife

H 2017

  • Who was that on the phone Bernie?
  • The doctor
  • Oh jesus, what’s wrong?
  • There’s nothing wrong ma.  He just rang with your blood test results. They’re all clear.
  • What’s clear?
  • YOUR BLOOD TEST RESULTS ARE ALL CLEAR. THERE’S NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU
  • What do you mean there’s nothing wrong with me? Of course there’s something wrong with me. Are you sure he had the right results?
  • Yes ma, I’m sure?
  • I don’t believe you
  • Are you saying I’m lying?
  • I never said that
  • It’s great news ma, are you not delighted?
  • I’d be delighted if I thought he had the right results
  • But he had ma. He said you’re as fit as a fiddle
  • Fit as a fiddle with a gammy knee?
  • Well other than a touch of arthritis in your knee, he said you’re fit as a fiddle
  • A touch of arthritis? I’d love him to try A TOUCH of arthritis.
  • Jaysis ma will you stop moaning. There’s nothing wrong with you
  • Well why am I in and out of that toilet all day and night? I’m sure I have a kidney infection at least
  •  It’s all the bloody tea you drink ma. You’re grand. Now crack a smile will you
  • What’s to smile about at my age?
  • You’re fit and healthy. There’s plenty of people would love to be in your shoes today ma
  • What? Eighty five and housebound
  • You’re not housebound ma, you just won’t go out
  • How can I go out when I can barely walk with me arthritis
  •  I can borrow a wheelchair for you
  • I’m not getting into a wheelchair
  • Why not?
  • If I get into one of them,I’ll never get out. That’s what happened to your auntie Min
  • Auntie Min had M.S. ma
  • I could have M.S.
  • You haven’t got M.S.
  • How do you know?
  • Because you’ve had every test known to man. I’m sure if you had M.S. the doctor would know by now
  • I wouldn’t want to be dying would I? I get no sympathy from you Bernie
  • You’re not dying ma, and what do you want sympathy for?
  • I could be dead for all that bloody doctor cares
  • He knows you’re not dead ma.Sure  aren’t you eating well and your bloods are grand
  • My appetite is not what it used to be
  • Thank god for that
  • I am  not fat
  • I never said you were fat. You’d want to start wearing that hearing aid ma
  • I must start wearing me hearing aid Bernie. I can’t hear a thing
  • Really? You do surprise me
  • What?
  • I SAID, WILL YOU HAVE A CUP OF TEA
  • No need to shout, I’m not deaf you know
  • But you are bleedin’ deaf… YOU JUST SAID YOU CAN’T HEAR A THING
  • ..and that doctor says there’s nothing wrong with me
  • Give me patience

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