You need nerves of steel when you’ve to bring ma to the hospital.

• What way are we going Bernie?
• The way I always go ma
• Do you not remember the traffic last time Bernie?
• That was rush hour ma. It won’t be as busy this time
• Maybe we’d be quicker bypassing the village
• I am bypassing the village ma
• Are you sure
• Yes I’m sure ma
• This looks like the same way we went last time
• It is the same way we went last time ma
• But remember how busy it was
• I told you that was rush hour. It’s grand at this time of the morning
• Mind that woman crossing the road Bernie
• I see her ma
• But you didn’t slow down
• She’s miles away ma
• You cant take any chances Bernie
• I wont ma
• What time is it now?
• Ten past ten
• Will we be on time Bernie?
• Yes ma, we’ve loads of time.
• Maybe we should have gone the other way
• Oh for fuck sake
• Language Bernadette
• Oh you heard me?I thought you were deaf
• Well I heard that
• You hear what you want to hear
• What?
• I SAID WE’RE ALMOST THERE
• Are we on time?
• Your appointment is not until eleven
• I like to be early
• You will be early
• The traffic seems to be building up
• It’s just people crossing at the zebra crossing ma. There’s only three cars in front of us
• Maybe we should have gone the other way
• The other way is longer ma
• I always went the other way when I was driving
• Well I’m driving now
• I’m only trying to be helpful Bernadette
• I know ma, but you’re getting on me bleedin’ nerves
• What did you say?
• I SAID THIS ROAD HAS A LOT OF CURVES
• I told you to go the other way
• Jesus help me. What did I do to deserve this?
• Why are we stopping at the chemist?
• We’re not stopping at the chemist
• That’s what you said
• I didn’t.  Why didn’t you put in your hearing aid before we left
• The village is to the left
• I’M NOT GOING THROUGH THE VILLAGE. I TOLD YOU THAT
• You just said you were turning left
• Somebody please help me…
• When I was driving…
• Jaysis ma I know. When you were driving you used to go that way, BUT THIS IS THE WAY I GO. OKAY?
• Sorry for speaking
• I’m just trying to get you to your appointment on time ma
• Are we on time Bernie?
• YES MOTHER
• Those lights ahead are  red Bernie
• I CAN SEE THEM
• I was just making an observation… I’ll stop talking now
• That’d be reallllllly lovely
• WHAT?
• I SAID IS’NT THE WEATHER LOVELY?

I’m going to glue that fucking hearing aid to her ears, I swear to God