Waiting for a lift home from the Bingo…Sure you may as well be waiting for Brad Pitt…

• Heya Bernie, are you waiting for Jimmy to pick you up?
• No, Brad Pitt Breda
• Aren’t we all Bern? aren’t we all?
• He tried to pick me up once you know
• In your dreams Bernie
• He wasn’t always only in me dreams
• Yeah right
• 1996 it was
• Seriously ? Where?
• In The Black Lion in Inchicore
• What was Brad Pitt doing in Inchicore Ber?
• He was making that movie ‘The Devils Own’
• Wasn’t he with Gwyneth Paltrow back then?
• Jealous wagon
• Really? Why?
• ‘Cos he told me I was beautiful
• Brad Pitt said you were beautiful?
• ..and why are you looking so surprised?
• .Brad Pitt like Ber…
• ‘Hello beautiful’ he said
• No way…and what did you say?
• ‘Hello yourself’ I said
• Is that it? I thought you said he tried to pick you up?
• Well he would’ve only the Gwyneth one came over ‘Your pint is here Brad’ says she and dragged him off into a corner
• You’re right Ber…jealous wagon.
• I know. He kept looking over and smiling at me. ‘He fancies you’ said Julie to me
• Jaysis Bernie. Imagine, Brad Pitt fancying ye
• She was disgusted
• Who Julie?
• No Gwyneth. If looks could kill, I’d be brown bread
• I’d say she was Bernie. Wouldn’t you be?
• You’d want to see the dirty looks she gave me when I smiled back. Very possessive she was, kept rubbing his face and running her fingers through his hair
• It’s more than his face I’d be rubbing Bernie
• You’re such a durtburd Breda, but I know what you mean
• So, what happened then?
• He winked at me when she was whispering in his ear. Jaysis, me belly was doing the tango
• Did she see him winking at you?
• She must have. they were sitting right across from us.Me and Julie were sitting at the bar having a ham sambo and a bowl of soup.
• Was that it?
• Ah no we had a pint as well
• I mean, is that all that happened with Brad?
• No, he came over when they were leaving.  He looked at my wedding ring when I lifted my spoon to drink my soup and he said ‘Why are all the beautiful girls taken?’
• Oh scarlet for ye Bernie, and what did you say?
• Well I wanted to say ‘give us your number love and I’ll call ye when me divorce comes through, but Gwynnie gave me the evils again and pushed him through the door. I never saw him again…well except in the movies
• Imagine you and Brad Bernie
• His loss Breda. But Brads not the type to break up someone else’s marriage
• No, just his own Bernie. Poor Jennifer
• Yeah, I like Jen
• Would you have been #BerBrad  #BradBer  or #Bradnie?
• It would have to be #BradBer. Bradnie sounds like an arthiritic knee Breda, and BerBrad sounds like he’s in his nip.
• Oooh lovely
• Bare Brad yeah I could handle that
• Did you tell Jimmy?
• He thought it was hilarious
• What, that Brad Pitt fancied you?
• That I fancied Brad. Jimmy thinks Brad is a wanker
• Touch of the green eye there Ber
• In fairness he thinks Pierce Brosnan is a wanker as well, and I don’t even like Pierce Brosnan
• I think Pierce is a ride meself
• I thought so too until I saw him in Mama Mia. Jaysis, what was he thinking?
• Yeah, he was shite in that alright
• Shocking altogether. At least Brad never made a show of himself in a movie
• What about ‘Snatch’ Bernie? That accent…jaysis
• Oh yeah, forgot about that one…Hilarious
• Is that your phone ringing ?
• Yeah, hang on. Jaysis, there’s so much shite in this handbag I can’t find it
• Hurry up will ye. It might be Brad.
• I am hurrying, jaysis, hold on to your knickers will ye, ah feck it’s stopped ringing now. I hope he rings me back because I’ve no credit
• Was it Jimmy?
• Colin Farrell. I told him I’m married but he still keeps ringing me
• Does Jimmy like Colin Farrell?
• No, he thinks he’s a little bolix. Ah look it’s ringing again, hold on…’howya Brad, where are ye? Any sign of Angelina?… No way, ah she’s probably stuck for a babysitter…right so, see ye in a bit. Love you too hun. Bye, byebyebyebye
• Jimmy?
• Yeah, he’s waiting around the corner, couldn’t get parking
• I couldn’t see Brad picking you up from Bingo could you Ber?
• He’d be good with the kids but Breda
• That’s not what Angelina says
• Don’t mind her, she should have stuck with Billy Bob
• #JimBer or #Berjim Bernie?
• #BerJim of course
• Pass the sick bucket Bernie

Eat your heart out Brangelina