Oscar

It’s Oscar time again and it got me thinking about who would star in the movie of my book.  .81st Academy Awards¨ Press Kit Images

  • Who would play you in a movie Jimmy?
  • What’s the movie about?
  • I dunno…Life
  • ‘The life and times of Jimmy Violet’
  • It could be ‘The life and times of Bernie Rose’.
  • I thought it was about me
  • I never said it was about you. I just asked who would play you in a movie
  • Same thing
  • No it’s not
  • So it’s your movie then
  • Maybe
  • Right so
  • But you’d be in it
  • Like a supporting role
  • Well, we are married
  • Could we share the lead?
  • I suppose so
  • That’s nice
  • So who would you pick?
  • For what?
  • To play you in the movie. For fuck Sake Jimmy,keep up will ye
  • Can Daniel Craig do a Dublin accent?
  • I dunno
  • There’s nothing worse than a crap Dublin accent
  • You’re right there Jimmy.
  • What about Brad Pitt?
  • No way. Remember ‘Snatch’?
  • Oh yeah, shite accent alright
  • What about Colin Farrell?
  • He’s a little bollix
  • He is gorgeous tho’
  • D’ye think?
  • Ye, but you’re right. He is a little bollix…anyway, he’s too young
  • Fuck off Bernie. He’s not much younger than me
  • In dog years yeah Jimmy
  • I’m not having Pierce Brosnan
  •  I’m sure he’ll be raging
  • Not after  Mama Mia. He totally ruined his James Bond image. Made a show of himself he did
  • When did you watch Mama Mia?
  • Kylie made me watch it with her a few years ago when she was off school
  • She made you?
  • Well she was sick. I didn’t like to say no
  • I believe you, thousands wouldn’t. What about Liam Neeson?
  • He’s from the north Bernie. He’d never pull off the Dub accent
  • He is a ride tho’
  • Whatever you say Bernie
  • I know the very man…Gabriel Byrne
  • Where’s he from?
  • Drimnagh
  • He’d have the accent so
  • And he’s fuckin’ gorgeous Jimmy
  • Sure he’d have to be gorgeous if he’s playing me Bernie
  • You love yourself Jimmy Violet
  • What’s not to love Bernie.
  • You’re so modest too
  • That’s me sorted, so now, who’d play you Bernie?
  • Charlize Theron
  • What about the accent Bernie?
  • Ah, she’ll be grand…Or Cameron Diaz
  • Are they not a bit young?
  • No
  • I was thinking of someone a bit more mature
  • Like who?
  • Brenda Fricker
  • You can fuck right off Jimmy Violet
  • What’s wrong with you?
  • You get Gabriel Byrne…and I get Brenda bleedin’ Fricker?
  • She has the accent bu’
  • She’s old enough to be me ma
  • Really? She doesn’t look it
  • Well she is
  • It hurts doesn’t it Bernie?
  • What does?
  • It’s alright for you to say Colin Farrell is too young to play me, but it’s not alright for me to say poor Brenda is young enough to play you
  • Never mind Colin Farrell being a little bollix Jimmy…You’d win an Oscar for it
  • I’ll  just go write my acceptance speech then 🙂

 

81st Academy Awards¨ Press Kit Images

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19 thoughts on “Oscar

  1. Ha ha love your script you could certainly win an Oscar for that…. shame about the Pomelo maybe try pink grapefruit they are slightly sweeter or what about a lovely Navel Orange that might work quite nicely x

    Liked by 1 person

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