My friend Lynda has been saving her running away money since she got married thirty years ago. She’s fifty now and still hasn’t gone further than Galway for a weekend with the girls. She came over yesterday…

• I’m running away Bernie
• Again?
• What do you mean?
• Nothing. Where are you going?
• I don’t know
• What are you running from?
• From him
• What has he done now?
• He’s just getting on my nerves
• You can’t run away because someone’s getting on your nerves
• I can and I will
• Jasus you’re not eight years old Lyn
• I wish I was eight years old Bernie. Back in my mas’ gaff, with not a care in the world
• What cares do you have?
• Him; sitting at home all day scratching his arse watching Jeremy Kyle
• He can’t help losing his job
• He could get another one…get him out of my hair
• But he’s tried Lyn. You told me he applied for loads of jobs
• He could try harder
• Jobs aren’t that easy to get these days you know, especially for men of Dave’s age
• He’s not that old Bernie
• I never said he was old
• You implied it
• I did not
• Dave is very fit for forty eight you know
• I’m sure he is Lynda, but Dave is fifty two
• Who told you he was fifty-two?
• His ma did. He is my cousin remember
• Oh yeah. Keep it quiet will you. Dave’s very sensitive about his age
• He’s not the only one
• What do you mean?
• Sure you’ve been forty for the past ten years Lynda
• I have not Bernie Rose Violet…it’s only been five
• Yeah right
• OK… eight
• Whatever you say Lynda
• Who are you today, the age police ?
• You started it
• I did not. When?
• When you said Dave was very fit for forty eight
• Well he is. He’d give young fellas half his age a run for their money
• I’m sure he would Lyn
• He would Bernie. Now can we stop talking about how old we are please
• No problem. So when are you going?
• Going where?
• You said you were running away
• Oh right. I don’t know yet
• Where will you go?
• Em, I don’t know yet
• Let me know yeah
• Right Bernie
• Will you have another cuppa?
• No, I’d better go. I’ve to make his dinner
• Right so. Will I see you for Bingo later?
• Yeah , Dave said he’ll give me a lift
• What about Jeremy Kyle?
• He doesn’t play Bingo
• Very funny.
• It will be over by then. He’ll drop me off  before Masterchef starts
• That’s nice of him
• Ah yeah, he doesn’t like me getting the bus. He’s very good like that
• I thought he was getting on your nerves?
• He is…he was…ah he’s alright I suppose. He’s not the worst
• He’s lovely
• Yeah he is lovely isn’t he?
• See you later so
• Right Bernie. I’d better run. I didn’t realise the time. Dave will be starving
• Bye Lyn
• Bye Bernie.

Jasus!!